haughty eyes and the whole mess

This life in Christ is about

GROWTH and DEATH
happening simultaneously.
Without the one, the other will not exist.

Black and lovely.

{PHOTOS FROM MY PARENT'S OLD HOME}
we're going to miss it so much.

"cry out for INSIGHT and understanding.

Search for them as you would for lost money.

THEN YOU WILL understand what it means

to the fear the Lord,

and you will gain knowledge of God.

THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

what is right,

just and fair,

and you WILL KNOW

how to find the RIGHT COURSE OF ACTION EVERY TIME.

For wisdom will enter your heart

and knowledge will fill you with JOY."

Proverbs 2

Don't know about you, but

soul-searching makes me tired and 

digging wears me out.

Maybe it's partly a personality thing, (my fellow sanguines get me on this)!  There are friends and family that I have who almost effortlessly unearth the "deep", in themselves and in others.  And get this, THEY ENJOY IT!, it actually gives them LIFE.  I admire this in others, however when I apply it to myself, I get exhuasted, overwhelmed and sad. 
{Three things we sanguines try to avoid like the plague}! 

Exhausted because this has nothing to with other people, it's an introverted process, a going inward, a silencing.

Overwhelmed because it's so out of my control.  All this chaos of the heart, there's no order or direction or "place" labeled for the things I come upon.

And sad.  Sad because I see all the brokenness in me and how black my heart truly is.  It IS deceitful above all else, deceiving most of all, myself.  And just when I thought things were looking so good, (refer to the previous sentence of decieving myself)! 

BUT THIS IS RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO BE,
WHERE'S HE'S CALLED ME TO BE.
A place of forced searching out. 

There's a lamp at my feet and little bit of light at my path, (psalm 119:105), and that's about it, and it's really all I need right now.   There are a lot of verses about lamps in the Bible, never realized that before, here are a few:

"For You, O Lord, are my Lamp;

the Lord brightens my darkness."

II Samuel 22:29

"For You cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine; the Lord my God illumines my darkness."
Psalm 18:28

"The spirit of man, is the lamp of the Lord,
searching all his innermost parts."
Proverbs 20:27

(verses from Amplified version).

When I've read verses like this before I would often think "my darkness" refers to the trials or hardships one is going through and maybe that's what it does mean.  But today it took on another LITERAL meaning....THE DARKNESS IN ME, "my darkness."  The things inside me that MUST BE ILLUMINATED, brought INTO HIS LIGHT, surrendered, often again and again.

It was interesting to me that the first two verses from
II Samuel and from Psalm had something to say about a haughty spirit.  If you read it, you'll see that the previous verse in BOTH passages talks about the Lord "bringing down" the haughty and those with haughty looks and THEN it talks about the Lord being a lamp.  I thought about the fact that pride in ourselves and our own ways of "rightness" BLIND US to the TRUTH of ourselves and our sin, our darkness.  In those dark places we cannot even sense HIS LIGHT, let alone see His lamp gently shining on our issues when we are "captured" by our own brightness/pride of self/how "far" we've come/how much "truth" we know/all the conferences we've attended/the experiences we've had/the Bible studies we've completed. 

And, sad, but true, it is from that place that we have "haughty eyes", (HIGH EYES), not only comparing ourselves and looking "down" at others, but thinking others are "less" then we are.

Comparing our journeys.

When I cast my eye upon others,

scoping out their splintered ways while I'm stumbling over my own logs. 

We can't even SEE our own sin on the stage of our life, it's all backstage rushing through a costume change,

but boy, we've got great seats to the sins of others, 

front-row-center!  

"Haughty eyes push us toward seeing everybody else's sins. Good eyesight means seeing our true condition."
~Todd Freeman~

This past week I heard a teaching by Beth Moore, (from her study "James~Mercy Triumphs").  She was speaking of her journey toward wholeness and what that has looked like, still looks like. 

This is a loose quote,
but still gets the point across of what she was saying:

"wholeness = taking all my pieces and laying them at His feet,

 saying 'here, You can have the whole mess.'"

And perhaps ONLY after we give Him our whole mess,
does He leads us into WHOLENESS. 

His faithfulness pulls us in.

All of us, every.part.

He says He will redeem us, every.part.

This is the good news, such good news that, as our Pastor once said, "it takes a lifetime to absorb." 

The opposites collide to create such beauty within us. the joy for mourning and beauty for ashes kind of stuff. praises for burdens. rebuilding the ancient ruins of the human heart.  sense of our wanderings. 

I'll take a seat to that production....

front-row-center, please.



"You don't measure me like man may see,
You're looking at my heart,
the core of me."  
~Misty Edwards~ 

between shoulders

"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, 

for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves 

rests between his shoulders."

Deuteronomy 33:12

I've often wondering what "resting between shoulders" looked like.
And then it came to me the other week as Capri was taking a nap on me....there she was on my chest, 
between my shoulders. 
And it sank deep into me
 along with her heavy body and steady breathing.
I have a resting place too, 
a place I long for, but often pay no attention to.
There's too much noise for my eyes, 
all around me, distracting me.
nice, good things, but distractions nonetheless. 

At the kitchen sink, (my second home) 
I thought of how mundane Motherhood can be.
laundry~cleaning~cooking~picking up toys~swapping out clothing~taxi driving~teaching~training~repeat. 
And I'm ok with that, it's where I am right now, 
where many of us are right now.
However, I'm not ok with just existing here, 
I long to enjoy now and not wish it away
or frown upon it.
I long to find true fulfillment in the daily duties.
I don't want to live, 
frustrated.

God, show me the way of rest.
What it looks like right where I'm at, 
in the middle of the madness.
Is it possible?  Is there rest to be found in the dailiness of life?
Is there rest in broken relationships waiting for restoration?
Is there rest in betrayal and shattered trust?
Is there rest in the weariness? In the overwhelming place?
In the fear?

Here is a beautiful article that spoke right to me, 
refreshed me from my eyes to my heart.
"3 ways to really enter into His rest right now." 
by Ann Voscamp

"We have to take time to connect with Him, 
share our heart with Him, 
and let Him clear our mind 
and soothe our spirit."
~an excerpt from another fabulous article~

the sun set.

today you could find me 
crying into my laundry pile
holding those little pants close
i asked for forgiveness for my earlier complaints.
all this laundry. 
so much blessed laundry. 

the morning took flight as it usually does.
breakfast, teeth brushed, hats and gloves and folders and snacks and backpack and jacket and, oh, don't forget hugs and "i-love-you-have-a-great-day" goodbyes. 
it could have been me, it could have been you. 
our sweet babies. 
no more. 

i didn't want the sun to set tonight.
for all those dads and moms who have just entered hell on earth.
i didn't want the night to fall on this, their darkest day.
the empty pillow.
the unopened christmas presents.
the unending questions.
oh, if my heart even hurts a little, how can they keep 
breathing?

we lie here safe and warm and without a care.
full bellies and christmas lights.
my heart sings songs of praise.
and tonight, not that far from here, 
cries ring out and bodies retch with agony.
kindergartners.

what can i do but cry out for their brokenness?
beg God to somehow come down
and keep them alive for one more day.
to help them do just one more day.

oh come to us, 
abide with us, 
our Lord, 
Emmanuel. 

rainy tears

There seem to be so many who are hurting in my world.  

So many freshly broken hearts.  

Some are crying for babies not born.  

Some are crying for babies off to boot camp and six second conversations, 
little boy voices in a grown man's body.  

Some are crying for understanding and mercy, 
grasping for something to explain the explainable.  

He shot himself.  

Three little words that aren't meant to go together, 

they literally pierce the heart. 

Some are saying goodbye to their lover for the last time, 

their casket creaking down into open earth. 
While others are trying to raise their lover from the dead.
Revive their marriage, 
caught in cardiac arrest.

This rainy day seems appropriate, 
the clouds mourning with us. 

How do we live in the midst of all this sadness?  

How are we not swallowed whole? 

I'm sure there's a nice verse I could quote and 
there would be truth within it, 
however, it's the daily walking out that now must be done, 
the crawling through.  

The learning to breathe again. 

And I have to believe that they are not unnoticed, 
that their suffering and their staggering and their lostness is not in vain. 
I will believe that He is near to them,
 just as He promised to be.

"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut he'll help you catch your breath."

Psalm 34:18

Wherever you find your heart today, may there be a glimmer of hope that catches your eye, lifting you up, even if just a little. 

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time."

  ~Jean de La Fontaine~  

anticipation and fear.

I heard about a lady in our town who just had a stillborn baby.  
She was 39 weeks pregnant. 
I really don't have words and all the things I'd like to say sound empty and stupid.

And as my mind wanders to her and my feeble prayers go up on their behalf, my heart is shaky.  The unthinkable happens, is happening, has happened to dear friends and strangers alike.  How does one continue to trust in the midst of the "what could be's?"  That's where my thoughts are now, it's here my heart is leaning....how do I trust the unknown in the light of the Known?  

Aside from the anticipation of meeting our sweet baby, (which by the way is so great I think I may burst at times), it's the unknown of each day that can and will drag you under if you let it. 

....because You are my help, 
I sing in the shadow of Your wings.
psalm 63:7

Will my husband come home today, safe and sound?  
Will my babies live to see their next birthday?  

Will our house catch on fire? 

Will.......(you fill in the blank for your own).

  There are several close friends and relatives of ours that are SMACK DAB in the middle of the unknown, (we all are to one degree or another I guess), but the unknowns that they are dealing with are literally moment to moment life altering decisions, (that are not theirs to make). 

How do you keep your sanity? 

How do you keep your thoughts "captive" among the parade of questions that march in your mind and beat their drums relentlessly inside your heart, thump, thump, thumping?

Is it possible to be at peace with your unknowns? 

I want that.

On a piece of paper by my beside I have written:

"STAY CLOSE TO ME ON THE PATH OF PEACE."  I had read it a few weeks ago and it resonated with me.  There are very few decisions I can make in this life that give me control, true control, not manipulative mirages of what I'd like to be or who I would like to see change.   

Thoughts and fears, anticipations and ideas all make their way to me, like fiery arrows and sometimes like baby breath whispers.  

They land and try to bury themselves into myself.  

It is then that I MUST MAKE A CHOICE to TRUST the One that I believe HOLDS MY LIFE, holds my babies lives.  And it's not easy, but it is better than flailing about all alone.  At the heart of each of us is a need to be WITH SOMEONE, to not be isolated or alone or abandoned.

  

My refuge comes on the wings of God.  

I trust that He will cover me. 

Or carry me. 

Or shelter me.

Or teach me to fly. 

Or fight for me.

Or hide me.



...hide me in the shadow of Your wings.
psalm 17:8

I read recently about feathers and the miracle that lies within their structure.  A few key points that stuck out to me:

 "To date, no amount of engineering has created a synthetic insulation as efficient as feathers."


"In all the dives I've watched, I've never seen a feather break in flight.  Wrestling on the ground with prey, sure, but never on the wing."

My soul longs for the place of Insulation.

The Space above the prey. 

...He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings SHALL YOU TRUST and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.

psalm 91:4

some commentary's I read that shed light on these verses and my soul:

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible "He shall cover thee with his feathers - He shall act towards thee as the hen does to her brood, - take thee under his wings when birds of prey appear, and also shelter thee from chilling blasts. This is a frequent metaphor. He will overshadow thee between his shoulders; alluding to the custom of parents carrying their weak or sick children on their backs, and having them covered even there with a mantle. His truth shall be thy shield and buckler - His revelation; his Bible. That truth contains promises for all times and circumstances; and these will be invariably fulfilled to him that trusts in the Lord."  Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible "He shall cover thee with his feathers,.... As birds do their young, who cannot cover themselves: this they do from a tender regard to them, whereby they both keep them warm, and protect them from those that would hurt them: this represents the helpless state of the children of God, who are, like to young birds, weak and unable to defend themselves: the tender regard of God unto them,  as the eagle and other birds have to their young; and the warmth and comforts souls have, as well as protection, under his powerful and gracious presence; he comforts them under their tribulations, as well as defends them from their enemies: the word of God also, every promise in it, and doctrine of it, is as a shield and buckler to strengthen, support, and secure the faith of his people, (Proverbs 30:5)."

...LET ME FIND
refuge and TRUST 
in the shelter of Your wings.
psalm 61:4


the darling pictures were taken last week by my talented friend Michelle Walls. She is hoping to print a new line of baby stationery, among other photo prints as well.  here is her beautiful etsy shop. i can't believe the way she captured lovie's room and that black and white silhouette of the two of us.  precious treasured memories. 

4 weeks to go, (give or take).

it's getting closer.

the due date. 

each morning i have more excitement about meeting this sweet, sweet baby....and each night i have to take my heart back to the Safe Place, (i tend to worry alot toward the pending due date, as i'm sure many women do....what if i can't do this?  what if something happens to this baby?  what if....what if?).  i was writing a friend the other day, (emailing actually, so i shouldn't really say "writing").....here's a little excerpt of what i shared with her:

BEACH BABY, 35 WEEKS. 

"... this is also the time my trust and faith have to dig deeper, what if something happens?  am i crazy for having a homebirth? what if our baby has downs syndrome and we don't know it? all that stuff that cannot be answered and all that stuff that gets right in my face and says, "you are out of control."  AND IT'S GOOD AND OK AND WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.  jake is so good about calling me back to Jesus, back to the place where my safety is, not perfection, safety.  on one hand i 've been facing this since we decided to have tyler at home, so i'm kinda use to the familiar feelings that come about choosing homebirth and such.  but, we have no reason to not be comfortable here at home, with 3 beautiful labors and deliveries in my mind and heart and remembrance, i am put at ease and remember what has been....and what can be again."

so the preparation continues, both physically in getting our home ready and all that is needed for a homebirth, (which surprisingly isn't very much).  funny how it takes so little, (as in "stuff") to birth a baby, but more to care for it once it's here.  bassinet. diapers. wipes. lotions. bottles. nuks. stroller. burp clothes. clothing. on and on.  my preparation, here at the end/beginning is more emotionally. I read this article recently and found it so true....and helpful:

TRADITIONAL BREAKFAST IN BED,
(jake started this when i was preggo with tyler). SWEET MAN.
MOTHER'S DAY, 2012.
LUKE-5,
35 WEEKS PREGGO.
TYLER-6
  PAISLEY-3

"the emotional component is more important than practicing squatting positions or back rubs. The way you feel about what is happening to you in pregnancy and during childbirth will affect your ability to remain relaxed, deal with pain and discomfort and make informed decisions. One of the indicators of a woman's successful natural childbirth is her confidence in her ability to give birth. No one can give you confidence in your body, in the birth process or in yourself. You have to find your own sources of strength, and know how to use them during childbirth."  ~Jennifer Vanderlaan &; Birthing Naturally~

LOVELY DISHES
THAT MY MIDWIFE DROPPED OFF THE OTHER DAY.
so sweet of her.

I AM OBVIOUSLY NO EXPERT and do not pretend to be.  I only want to share my experiences and insights from my point of view in regards to laboring and delivering at home.  For me it has been such a positive journey.  Oftentimes I've hesitated talking about homebirth here on my blog for various reasons.  But I love the idea of birthing at home, (with low risk pregnancies) and want to share my positive experiences.  i may write about it more as time allows, but for now i will simply say how EXCITED i am to go into labor.  Such an amazing experience.  To think, this body carried this baby, from a simple little seed into a full grown baby and now it gets to deliver this baby into our arms.  the continuation of a generation. what a MIRACLE.  i feel it more, even deeper this time because of my previous miscarriages and the realization that my "baby" days might be over.  Also, this may be the last time i ever carry a baby so every stage is savored, if you will. please don't foolishly think i'm floating around in pregnant delight, i'm not.  however, i'm squeezing the sweetness that i can from the fruit i've been given. 

POOLSIDE ON MEMORIAL DAY, 2012.
36 WEEKS. 

"....swollen bellied and lumbering, wondering, waiting.

Sitting on a nest, anticipating cracking and emergence, seems highly preferable, however, to powerful contractions wringing you out in attempt to thrust an 8 pound being from within.

During the night watches last night, irregular contractions prodding me to wakefulness, I wanted to walk.

Walk and walk and walk. Far away from my skin, from impending pain, from the inevitable.

But walking would only intensify the pain, bring it on faster, strengthen the contractions.

I smiled in the darkness. Running away from pain always does that. Intensifies it, magnifies it, amplifies it.

Better to be like a hen. Nestle in. Sit tight. Cluck a bit. Stay on the nest. Stick with it."  

~ann voscamp~

it will not be easy, but it will be beautiful.

it will take and give at the same time. 

it will break me open and bring life.

isn't that what being human is all about though? 

to be broken and made all at once?

"The birthing of a baby is the deliverance of a message from God. About His passion for humanity....We were all babies, all crying, brilliant pink, unclothed, flailing miniatures of the divine, created in His image. The ticking of the clock shrouds that truth, the process of becoming civilized whisks that fact under its rustling robes of sophistication and “maturity”. But these are mere guises for who we all are….bundles of crying humanity wanting to be held, soothed, rocked."
~ann voscamp~

twenty-twelve

CHRISTMAS EVE, 2011.

hello friends. it's been a refreshing few weeks and hope it's been the same for you and your home.  this time of year often conjures up a lot of emotion.  whether it's thankfulness for your family, or sadness for the lack of it, gathering around a table with those you love or drinking their memories away.  i was so shocked at the full capacity, (at least in looking at the parking lots) of many bars in the area on Christmas eve.  we passed a few on our way to different gatherings and i was reminded again at how many people are lonely, not just during the holiday season, but especially then. and not that going to a bar makes you lonely, but i'm thinking that if given a choice, spending Christmas eve at the local bar wouldn't be on the top of your priority list.  i don't know. i know nothing of true suffering, internally or externally.  and sometimes that really bothers me.  how "easy" my life seems.  how lovely my family is, the Peace in my heart and the beauty of my husband's great love.  i hesitate to call them blessings because it somehow seems that those without these things aren't "blessed" and that's not true at all.  perhaps they are gifts.  but even that sounds unfair.  regardless of the perfect "name" given to these beauties in my world, i am so grateful.  i am stirred again to embrace, be present, recognize and love what is before me. 



CHRISTMAS EVE, 2011.



deep way to start off. sorry about that!  it's quiet in our home this saturday afternoon, paisley is sleeping and the boys are at their favorite home, (other then our own).....it's about thirty steps from here and full of nothin' but peace and love and good food. jake is out cutting wood for our fireplace.  somehow he managed to find and load about 40 tree trunks onto his trailer!  often i just sit back and watch in amazement at the stuff he gets done.  he's not human.  before i sat to write this post i was watching him out the kitchen window.  he has this cute little thing he does with his lips when he's working, pursing them together and squinting his brow in concentration.  i've never met a person who works like he does.  and loves it at that.  not going to pretend that i always appreciate or value that hard work.  sometimes i just want him to sit down and put his feet up. but alas, he is a visionary, seeing what is not there and longing to make it happen!  one of my first memories of him was watching him carry shingles up a ladder, balancing them on his back with one hand and climbing the ladder with the other.  i was amazed then and it hasn't stopped since. 

FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HER NEW HOME.

we received a christmas letter from my cousin.  at the end of her letter she had this quote and i thought it was lovely: 

 "only those who number their days aright gain wise hearts.  only they become God's sages: those calm, unhurried people who live in each moment fully, savoring simple things....unafraid of lifes' inevitable surprises and reverses, adaptive to change, yet not chasing after it...." 

~Mark Buchanan from "The Rest of God"~ 

HEY, LET'S START THIS YEAR OFF RIGHT, GRAMMIE'S STRAWBERRY PIE!

 what a way to begin the new year, a desire put into words. to live a life of calm, (which sometimes seems nearly impossible when the kids are fighting and "at" each other or when relationships, situations in your world are stormy).  to be adaptive to change, (not necessarily to the change taking place around me, but moreso IN me). to savor, (to not be annoyed at the little things that need attention in life, not speaking of my children, but of the things they "create", the leftovers of imagination, the dishes after woofing a meal, the clothing after living a day).

"CHITTY-CHITTY, BANG-BANG" in the living room.  

yesterday i came upon this blog post and it resonated so deeply and made me laugh too because it's the truth.  you know it's happened to you, (if you're a mother of small children).  the dear old lady at the store puts her hand over her heart and sweetly tells you to enjoy these days as a young mother because they go so fast, (and then you kinda want to run over her feet with the cart).  well, this awesome blog post speaks right into that.....and it's a doozy.

WE BRING IN THE NEW YEAR EACH YEAR with our friends Wendell and MaryJo.
HERE THE KIDS ARE WITH THEIR OJ TOAST AT 12:01am, January 1st, 2012!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and my maternity bin the attic is calling my name!  Lovie is about the size of an avocado, starting to grow toenails and it's tiny heart is pumping 25 quarts of blood each day!!  After several attempts at finding the heartbeat early on, we finally heard it last week.  Thanks to our sweet midwife who stopped by unannounced several times just to put my heart at ease.  She was with us at each of our children's birth, such a special tradition.  As I lay on the couch hearing Lovie's heartbeat it brought tears of thankfulness to my heart, my troubled mind and my struggling soul.  Ever since finding out we were expecting again, I just felt prepared for another miscarriage.  I was very fearful the first few months and it really messed with my head and heart.  Forced a deeper place of trust.  After hearing the heartbeat I feel more relieved.  Although I certainly realize that this child is not truly ours at any point through its journey, from womb to grave. 

TIME FOR TEA. I LOVE HAVING A LITTLE GIRL IN THE HOUSE.
SUCH SWEETNESS, (with a little spice in there too)!

This may be the longest post ever, so thanks for sticking with me.  Just wanted to let you all know how much I've enjoyed our year together here in blogland!  Thank you specifically for your kindness in the early months of 2011 when we were walking through the valley of death.  Albeit, nothing like losing a child you have held in your arms or one you have raised by your side, yet nonetheless, a loss.  Your sweetness and compassion lifted my spirit and I thank you for it.  I am not certain what this year will look like as far as blogging.  Having clarity as to where my limited "free time" is spent is becoming increasingly important to me.  Isn't it amazing/scary how quickly the HOURS fly when you're online?  It's starting to be disconcerting to me.  So, for this month this post will be about it.  I'll be back the end of January and we'll chat then. 

THE CARRIAGE HOUSE AT NIGHT.  FEELS SO GOOD HAVING GRAMMIE NEAR.

An inward focus is what I'm feeling drawn to right now.  And as much as I enjoy my online time, it's becoming a little cage-like. In that I feel trapped by my own desires, my own online habits. There's a repositioning that needs to take place.  And I'm thinking it won't be happening "naturally", but more intentionally so.  Sometimes, thankfully, our eyes are opened to the unhealthy habits that have become second-nature.  Geesh, maybe I should save all this for another post.....(bless your heart if you're STILL reading)!

A LITTLE MESSAGE FROM THE BOYS.

 See you in a few weeks.....

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary

so that the necessary may speak."

~Hans Hofmann~

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OUR HOME

 This is our Christmas card this year. We used CardStore.com and overall I'm very pleased with the company, (what really got my attention was the fact that they pay for ALL THE SHIPPING, including the stamps for all your cards~WHAT?)!!  That really adds up at .44 a pop!  


I won't go without saying that for some reason they hit a few glitches with our card. The front of our card was always correct, it was the back that caused all the trouble.  At first it was funny, then annoying....take a look yourself:


SHIPMENT #1: not the right text.

 

SHIPMENT #2:  not really sure what happened here! 
Pictures cut in half and all jacked up!

SHIPMENT #3: can you find the problem?

   hahaha!  Just a few extra words there, 
"OPTIONAL CAPTION GOES HERE".
I just shook my head at this one and called the company again. 
This time I asked for a full refund and 30% off my next purchase. 
So, we ended up getting our cards for free, (with a little bother in there).  And the kids had packages of cards to play with, build with and "deliver".  So really, this is a completely pointless post that many of you could care less about, but I wanted to share anyway!  


Several of our friends and family did use the company and had NO problems.  I plan to use them every year because of the substantial savings in postage....plus their designs are so cute.  And I have our addresses all uploaded which will make ordering next years pictures a breeze, (fingers crossed)!  


It's Christmas week, but I don't have to remind anyone of that.  I can hardly believe it's HERE; 
upon us, in us, around us.  

This culture demands intentional slowing down and I anticipate doing just that.  It's so easy to get caught up in what HAS to be done, even within my own home, (laundry, cleaning, cooking).  Stuff that keeps our little world spinning 'round.  Sometimes I feel myself getting lost in that, feeling it overwhelm me because it's NEVER truly done.  

Clothes get worn.
I share a bathroom with 3 boys.
Bellies leak. 

What does slowing down look like?  Propping your feet up for a bit?  Turning the TV off and grabbing a book instead?  Leaving the laptop lid closed for more than 24 hours?  Those are some practical things, but I'm on the lookout for more....an INWARD slowing down that is manifested into outward actions.  A calm of the soul, (not necessarily my situations or struggles because they will ebb and flow).  Here's a quote that I felt summed it up for me: 


"As soon as we are alone…inner chaos opens up in us. This chaos can be so disturbing and so confusing that we can hardly wait to get busy again. Entering a private room and shuttering the door, therefore, does not mean we shutter out all our inner doubts, anxieties, fears, bad memories, unresolved conflicts, angry feelings and impulsive desires. 

On the contrary, when we have removed our outer distraction, we often find that our inner distractions manifest themselves to us in full force. We often use the outer distractions to shield ourselves from the interior noises. This makes the discipline of solitude even more important."

~Henri Nouwen~

Well said don't you think?

Dear friends, I will see you in again in 2012. 

A new year is upon us and what a gift it is. 

Fresh Hope.

Days unlived.

Treasures hidden within.

"I will go before you and level the mountains, to make the CROOKED PLACES STRAIGHT; I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut asunder the bars of iron.  And I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know it is I, the Lord, Who calls you by name."  

Isaiah 45: 2-3

MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS, NEAR AND FAR. May PEACE makes it way DEEP into your heart and mind this week and always. 

Love, Janelle.