Easter twenty-twelve.

The front of our church was exceptionally beautiful this morning, along with the service.  For the first time a new thought was dropped into my heart.  A thought about the Resurrection of Jesus and how it's not something of the past, but something that He does DAILY in my cold, dark tomb of a soul.  He rolls the stones away and He reveals Himself, makes Himself ALIVE inside us.....or at least His desire is to do that.  Yet even if I don't receive or acknowledge His attempts at "rolling" things away, I know He's working in me, in us: 

 breathing life into death. 

conquering the grave of our mind.

GIVING new life. 

 Paisley danced around as she usually does while they jammed out.  (See that hottie in the background, wearing orange and grey?  He's my easter basket).  

Jake hid the easter eggs and the kids ran around hunting them down. 

I love traditions. 

 Paisley didn't know what to do with herself when she found her basket!  She hid her eyes for awhile and then stood like this,  she was excited as we explained to her earlier on what she was about to do, but when she actually found it, she wasn't sure afterall!  I talked about it with her later on and she said, "I was shy of my basket!"  Bless her sweet heart! 

I had a little fun sprucing up our Easter picture because I'm weird like that. There's nine eggs hidden in the pic, (one for each Easter we've had together so far)!  

"And he departed from our sight
that we might return to our heart, 

and there find Him.  

For He departed, and behold, He is here."  

~St Augustine~

monster cookies

Hello friends. 

it's been so beautiful all along the east coast the past few weeks. 

unseasonably warm and the birds are busy building their nests, 

(sounds like someone else i know)!  i've been surprised at the amount of energy i continue to have....now 27 weeks along.  i am deeply grateful and trying to use my energy wisely.  

we had a VERY LAST MINUTE "cars 2" party for our luke last week, with this amazing weather we wanted to seize the opportunity to celebrate outside, (a rarity with a march birthday).  here's a sneak peek of the festivities....more to come later, (and by "later" i mean whenever i get around to it)! ;)  

we made our favorite cookies last week.

luke is my ever-faithful helper.  he finds so much joy in putting his hand to projects. i decided to capture the moment, the first picture, (above) was not "staged" and it just looked so friendly....so that's where the idea began.

enjoy. we sure did.

the recipe is at the bottom of this post if you'd like to make them yourself.  it makes a LARGE batch, so go ahead and freeze some for later.  they taste so great right out of the freezer as well. 

MONSTER COOKIES

3/4 cup butter

1 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

4 eggs

1 lb chunky peanut butter

2 1/2 tsp. baking soda

5 cups quick oats

 12 oz. chocolate chips

1 cup m&m's

cream butter and sugars together.

add eggs and beat until fluffy.

add remaining ingredients except for choc. chips and m&m's.

mix well.

fold in choc. chips and m&m's.

form into teaspoon sized balls.

bake at 350* for 12 minutes.

eat 5 or less, (if possible)!  

"While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about."
~Angela Schwindt~

Nesting Area ~ please do not disturb.

 Came upon this picture the other day and let's just say that the darling sign on the porch should be hanging on mine, (it reads, "NESTING AREA please do not distrub")!

I've been in serious nesting overdrive. 

No corner is left unturned. 

Somehow 6 months have come and gone already!

I am feeling SO GOOD and SO GRATEFUL.

Of course I'm tired by the end of the day, but that's usually the case when there isn't a human growing on the inside!  In all honesty, I feel my very best when I'm pregnant.  I truly enjoy it!  And this is the "nice" trimester.  Still not too large and lots of energy to burn!  

25 weeks of Lovie. 

 

 Paisley was sick last week so we had lots of extra snuggle  time.  It was sweet at first and then a little annoying because she was at my side constantly.....BUT, it was JUST what we both needed though, to sloooow down and just exist.  What a GIFT a normal day is.  Luke wanted to take a picture of us the other day so I let him.  This was pretty much our position for the day, (except for taking Tyler to/from school and making meals).  

Just letting you know we're still here. 

We are doing well and I'm so excited to reveal to you the stuff we've been working on. Lovie's nursery will be started tomorrow!!!

I MADE MYSELF finish all most of my other projects before starting on the nursery, (working on it is kinda like my reward for getting all that other stuff completed)!  

Tonight is the first night with ALL THREE CHILDREN IN ONE BEDROOM.  They look so sweet up there.  The boys in a queen bed and Paisley in her newly redecorated "corner" of the room.  She's sleeping in her toddler bed.

I'm watching my belly bounce around as I type and it looks so funny!  NEVER ceases to amaze me....all this kicking and action and life, coming from the inside~out!

"It is only possible to

 live happily-ever-after 

on a day-to-day basis." 

 ~Margaret Bonnano~

Here's to a little "happily ever after" in your day......

and to your normal days, the ones that feel so wearisome and exhausting.  The ones where everyone is alive and healthy and you have food to feed your children.  The ones where you have running water and seeds to plant.  May we be grateful for the "normals" of life and not take them for granted. 

i want to bake a cake and have a baby.

call me crazy, but i get so excited when i think about going into labor.  just the entire birthing process is such an amazing miracle to be apart of, to watch unfold within yourself. to experience the powerful, beautiful and sometimes frightening transition of bringing a baby into the world.  makes me feel so warm and cozy when i think about it, when i remember our past three home births, and i'm not saying it wasn't painful....it was....my rose colored glasses aren't that shaded!!!  


tonight is a chilly, blustery night.
the wind is howling and the fire is roaring and i'm awake with heartburn and project ideas, (have to stop "pinning" and eating so late). 


But my mind is seeing fireflies and feeling the thick, cool grass under my feet.  Lovie is due the end of june so if all goes as planned, (and i recognize that it may not).
i can walk around outside, (hopefully under the guise of night) and work through the contractions.  that's my desire, but we trust our life and this life into a Greater Hand.  
"In his heart a man plans his course, 
but the LORD/Yahweh/Jehovah, 
determines his steps."  
proverbs 16:9
we pray for LIFE, however he or she arrives.  sometimes i think i'm crazy when i re-read some of the sentences typed out, but they are truth to me.  

a friend of mine sent me the video posted below a few weeks ago.  it was the start of my "nursery renovation inspiration."  dear man that i love, he's so gracious with me, (even though he would prefer keeping everything the same.....forever)!  he never quite knows what he'll come home to.  currently 3 out of our 3 bedrooms are being rearranged or redesigned in one degree or another!  never underestimate the need of a mother to get her nest in order.  it's just about out of hand, (losing sleep over my spinning ideas)!   it's still a ways off, (23 weeks along), but i know how fast the spring and summer months go and how we love being OUTSIDE so i'm working extra hard, (while the strength, energy and not-too-large-belly are at hand).  

ordered the paint for the nursery and to repaint the crib, just MAKING MYSELF FINISH THE OTHER ROOMS before starting ANOTHER project!  

Here's the video I was talking about, (AND I'M SORRY IF ANY GRAPHIC IMAGES POP UP AFTER THE VIDEO IS OVER....i wasn't sure how to post this OUTSIDE of youtube, but i'm pretty sure i cleared anything from popping up.....but just warning you)!  The video itself is ALL TASTEFULLY PHOTOGRAPHED so no worries there.  Things I love about this video:


{the music choices}.
{the kind-faced husband}.
{the nursery}.freeze-frame 1:03.....LOVES it!
{the kiddie pool}.
{the midwives who are seemingly completely unmoved by her labor}.
{the baking of the cake}.
{the moment they find out it's a girl}. freeze frame 5:09
{wrinkly baby}.
{sister's first meeting}.
{the eating of the cake}.
{the peace}. 
   

So, with all that being said......I seriously want to bake a cake when I'm in labor, (you'll understand if you choose to watch the video)!  

Better head to bed now and rest this body and mind. Hope you have a refreshing weekend.  

{and a special shout-out to my friend Jeane' and her husband Curt enjoying their much anticipated anniversary "vacation"}!!

"Poor, dear, silly Spring, 

preparing her annual surprise!"

  ~Wallace Stevens~

happy valentine's day

"everybody's got a hungry heart."

~bruce springteen~

i hope your heart is fed today, if not with love here below, with the Love that comes from above and fills every crevice of your soul. the Love that never lets go, never gives up and will pursue you until the day you die.....and even after. ♥

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests
between His shoulders."

Deut. 33:12

Color Changes Everything!

Lovin' the new Target commercials about color! 

Speaking of color. Oh, oh, I'm getting so excited about redecorating Paisley's nursery in preparation for Lovie's arrival.  It's kinda bittersweet because I've loved her darling room for these past 2 1/2 years.  Some of "her" things will move with her into the boys room, to her new little corner of the earth.  Man, this nursery has had so many precious memories, (this link is what it looked like before Paisley was born....we didn't know if she was going to be a boy or girl).    

Last month we moved the boys from their twin beds into a queen bed.  Their room has had many transformations over the years to fit their needs.  They were so excited about getting a "huge" bed.  And for the most part it's going well.  They giggle some nights and keep each other awake, but other then that it's working.  We will move Paisley's toddler bed into the one corner and make it cozy just for her.  I love to improvise with what we've got, so these next few months will give me all the improvising I can handle!  

Here are some of the pictures and the website that started my inspiration for Lovie's new space:  

on the short list:

*paint the walls robin's egg blue, only below the chair rail.

*paint the crib yellow. 

*make cross stitch fabric thingys.

*organize Paisley's clothing to make enough room for Lovie's clothing! 

Lovie is moving and kicking so much lately and we're so in love. 

I say "we" but I know it's a different connection for Jake then it is for me.  From what I've heard and experienced, that's normally the case for most men, their "bonding" reaches new levels when they see and hold their babies.  My Mother's heart is smitten deeply already.  Came upon this picture and it fills me up.....

I expectantly wait to be able to do this with Lovie. xoxo

This pregnancy has inspired me and changed me unlike my other sweet babies.  Out of our loss has come a deeper appreciation for the beauty and sacredness of new life.  I still think about our babies that we'll never know.  They never got to cross the threshold of life on earth outside my womb.  And yet, if they had lived, Lovie would not be growing inside me right now!  I will never understand the complexities of life and death, can any of us?

Gratitude floods my mind and seeps down into my heart and soul.  We have many around us, close friends, that long to have babies and for whatever reason, they are left to wonder, question and grieve month after month after month.  It's so painful to watch them experience this and I often don't know how to handle it.  And my thoughts toward them and intercession for them is mixed with guilt and salty tears because of our Lovie.  This new life that has been given, the life we trust will continue to be given.  Yet, their journey is not ours.  Their valley of death looks differently then ours does. 

They will be comforted.

Isaiah 54:10

10 years ago today

photo credit: angela stoltzfus.
2002.

Today. One decade ago. 

 He picked me and our lives changed forever. 

I pray it's only the beginning.

"We are gonna build a life together

You and I forever and ever

And we'll, we'll make babies on the beach under the stardust, (probably never will do this, but it sounds kinda nice....and sandy)!

And I'll hear your voice come through the door A thousand times, maybe more

And I'll smile inside to know you're mine

Completely

Do you know how lovely you are?

In the starlight, in the 
starlight of my heart

Do you know how lovely you are?

In the moonlight, in the moonlight of my heart

And I'll wind up every day

Thinking about the way you make me feel When your lips touch my lips And I'd crawl inside a cave Or live somewhere strange As long as I'm with you

I have got what I need."

~Angus and Julia Stone~

January recap

Luke walking to Grammie's house in the snow, a path well-worn!

Good Morning Friends, (the few of you that still check in around here)!  What a nice "break" of sorts from blogging.  

 We finally had some snow around here the other week.  Here's to MORE, MORE, MORE of that before all the buds start sprouting up!  Looks like I'll be throwing the windows open today and Wednesday, (suppose to hit 60*)!!  And then, back down to the 30's by Sunday!  What the heck?  There's your little weather update from around here!  The kids love playing in the snow.  Paisley stepped out the door and immediately laid down to make a snow angel!  She grabs life! 

My snow bunnies....

We had a hot chocolate station for our New Year's party, and I never took it down!  The kids love it and it's cozy to look at!  Luke especially loves to be warmed up.  He helps to make his own hot chocolate and smells it deeply, proclaiming his love of the chocolate smell, (he also loves the smell of gas, the smell from an extinguished match and my "night time" lotion).  He's our smeller!  

 

 Grammie's house all lit up at night.  It's such a wonderful feeling looking out there at night, knowing she is warm and cozy, loved, valued and safe. I have meant to post some more pics of her home, but at this rate I'll probably wait until the upstairs is completed as well!  Our other computer is shut down right now, (which has all the renovation pictures on it), so I have to take a day to get all the pictures organized.  I need a day for our closets as well, and while we're at it, I'll take a day for deep cleaning, one for organizing the attic and one more to redo our bedroom into "vintage-glam."  :)

Paisley found my heels the other night, (which have since been retired to the back of my closet with all my other non-pregnancy shoes)! 

It's flats for us from here on out baby......

Potty training this girl was so easy!  It had absolutely nothing to do with us or our "formula".  She was just ready I guess.  We started on a Sunday night and she had a few "spills" that night and Monday, by Tuesday she was telling us when she had to go.  I was brave crazy enough to take her out for lunch and some errands with no pull-up and she did GREAT!  I couldn't believe it, (and I'm sure the ladies who heard me hooping-and hollerin' from the bathroom may have wondered at my great joy)!  She still has a pull-up at night, (but that's just because I don't want any extra laundry right now).  She would probably be fine, but I'm not ready!  She wants to go all by herself now and will close the door and do her thing, emerging so proud with her dress all jacked up.  She's quite independent. Here she is on her first "training", Sunday night, being entertained 21st century style!

My beautiful sister turned 50, but she didn't want a huge party.  Instead she wanted several intimate gatherings with those closest to her.  What a wonderful idea.  Truly enjoying those most important to her in a small, relaxed settings.  We had a sisters tea here one day.  It could have continued all day as far as I was concerned, but we had to get back to "reality" after four hours.  The love, safety, inspiration, challenge, wisdom and acceptance we experience together is truly a touch from heaven. 

You can kid the world.

But not your sister.

 ~Charlotte Gray~

Fresh flowers in the middle of Winter,
there's nothing quite like it.

Tyler loves school.  Everyday I ask him how school went today?  "GREAT!" is his answer just about everytime. I wonder if that's really true or not, or if it's simply his optimistic outlook. He got his first report card today.  He's doing wonderfully and as his teacher commented, "Tyler is making great progress in all areas!  He brings a positive attitude to class each day, and takes pride in his work.  He is a joy to have in class!"  I LOVE going to his class to help so I can watch him interact with those around him.  He is genuinely kind to everyone.  We are so grateful for the way he is learning and growing and enjoying the world around him. 

 We've decided to send Luke to Kindergarten this Fall.  He's showing such signs of readiness and seems very interested in going. He loves to do "homework" here at home.  He has a strong interest in numbers and most mornings I will wake up to him counting to 100, (his favorite number).  Everywhere we drive he talks about the numbers he sees.  And asks me several times a day what this number plus another number is.  I try to hide my hand when I have use my fingers to count, like I'm still in 3rd grade!   

It will feel quite different around here with two school-goers.  And we think that having them one year apart throughout school will be nice. 

Here is a drawing Tyler made over Thanksgiving. The students were asked to draw and write out something they were thankful for.  The bulletin board was filled with pictures of "I'm thankful for my family" and "I'm thankful for my house" and such.  Apparently Tyler is very thankful for his "vtbols", (vegetables)!  I laughed so hard when I saw this and immediately sent a picture to Jake!  Kinda reminded me of when he told the Dr. his favorite food was lettuce!  

Finally took our Christmas tree down.  I was hoping to enjoy the sparking lights with a ginormous blizzard, but alas February is almost here and we usually try to get our decorations down by Spring!  Having fun decorating for Valentine's Day now.  I have entirely too many decor items for each holiday, (thus our annual garage sale)!  Jake says he never knows what to expect when he comes home! 

"Where thou art,

that is home."

~Emily Dickinson~

twenty-twelve

CHRISTMAS EVE, 2011.

hello friends. it's been a refreshing few weeks and hope it's been the same for you and your home.  this time of year often conjures up a lot of emotion.  whether it's thankfulness for your family, or sadness for the lack of it, gathering around a table with those you love or drinking their memories away.  i was so shocked at the full capacity, (at least in looking at the parking lots) of many bars in the area on Christmas eve.  we passed a few on our way to different gatherings and i was reminded again at how many people are lonely, not just during the holiday season, but especially then. and not that going to a bar makes you lonely, but i'm thinking that if given a choice, spending Christmas eve at the local bar wouldn't be on the top of your priority list.  i don't know. i know nothing of true suffering, internally or externally.  and sometimes that really bothers me.  how "easy" my life seems.  how lovely my family is, the Peace in my heart and the beauty of my husband's great love.  i hesitate to call them blessings because it somehow seems that those without these things aren't "blessed" and that's not true at all.  perhaps they are gifts.  but even that sounds unfair.  regardless of the perfect "name" given to these beauties in my world, i am so grateful.  i am stirred again to embrace, be present, recognize and love what is before me. 



CHRISTMAS EVE, 2011.



deep way to start off. sorry about that!  it's quiet in our home this saturday afternoon, paisley is sleeping and the boys are at their favorite home, (other then our own).....it's about thirty steps from here and full of nothin' but peace and love and good food. jake is out cutting wood for our fireplace.  somehow he managed to find and load about 40 tree trunks onto his trailer!  often i just sit back and watch in amazement at the stuff he gets done.  he's not human.  before i sat to write this post i was watching him out the kitchen window.  he has this cute little thing he does with his lips when he's working, pursing them together and squinting his brow in concentration.  i've never met a person who works like he does.  and loves it at that.  not going to pretend that i always appreciate or value that hard work.  sometimes i just want him to sit down and put his feet up. but alas, he is a visionary, seeing what is not there and longing to make it happen!  one of my first memories of him was watching him carry shingles up a ladder, balancing them on his back with one hand and climbing the ladder with the other.  i was amazed then and it hasn't stopped since. 

FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HER NEW HOME.

we received a christmas letter from my cousin.  at the end of her letter she had this quote and i thought it was lovely: 

 "only those who number their days aright gain wise hearts.  only they become God's sages: those calm, unhurried people who live in each moment fully, savoring simple things....unafraid of lifes' inevitable surprises and reverses, adaptive to change, yet not chasing after it...." 

~Mark Buchanan from "The Rest of God"~ 

HEY, LET'S START THIS YEAR OFF RIGHT, GRAMMIE'S STRAWBERRY PIE!

 what a way to begin the new year, a desire put into words. to live a life of calm, (which sometimes seems nearly impossible when the kids are fighting and "at" each other or when relationships, situations in your world are stormy).  to be adaptive to change, (not necessarily to the change taking place around me, but moreso IN me). to savor, (to not be annoyed at the little things that need attention in life, not speaking of my children, but of the things they "create", the leftovers of imagination, the dishes after woofing a meal, the clothing after living a day).

"CHITTY-CHITTY, BANG-BANG" in the living room.  

yesterday i came upon this blog post and it resonated so deeply and made me laugh too because it's the truth.  you know it's happened to you, (if you're a mother of small children).  the dear old lady at the store puts her hand over her heart and sweetly tells you to enjoy these days as a young mother because they go so fast, (and then you kinda want to run over her feet with the cart).  well, this awesome blog post speaks right into that.....and it's a doozy.

WE BRING IN THE NEW YEAR EACH YEAR with our friends Wendell and MaryJo.
HERE THE KIDS ARE WITH THEIR OJ TOAST AT 12:01am, January 1st, 2012!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and my maternity bin the attic is calling my name!  Lovie is about the size of an avocado, starting to grow toenails and it's tiny heart is pumping 25 quarts of blood each day!!  After several attempts at finding the heartbeat early on, we finally heard it last week.  Thanks to our sweet midwife who stopped by unannounced several times just to put my heart at ease.  She was with us at each of our children's birth, such a special tradition.  As I lay on the couch hearing Lovie's heartbeat it brought tears of thankfulness to my heart, my troubled mind and my struggling soul.  Ever since finding out we were expecting again, I just felt prepared for another miscarriage.  I was very fearful the first few months and it really messed with my head and heart.  Forced a deeper place of trust.  After hearing the heartbeat I feel more relieved.  Although I certainly realize that this child is not truly ours at any point through its journey, from womb to grave. 

TIME FOR TEA. I LOVE HAVING A LITTLE GIRL IN THE HOUSE.
SUCH SWEETNESS, (with a little spice in there too)!

This may be the longest post ever, so thanks for sticking with me.  Just wanted to let you all know how much I've enjoyed our year together here in blogland!  Thank you specifically for your kindness in the early months of 2011 when we were walking through the valley of death.  Albeit, nothing like losing a child you have held in your arms or one you have raised by your side, yet nonetheless, a loss.  Your sweetness and compassion lifted my spirit and I thank you for it.  I am not certain what this year will look like as far as blogging.  Having clarity as to where my limited "free time" is spent is becoming increasingly important to me.  Isn't it amazing/scary how quickly the HOURS fly when you're online?  It's starting to be disconcerting to me.  So, for this month this post will be about it.  I'll be back the end of January and we'll chat then. 

THE CARRIAGE HOUSE AT NIGHT.  FEELS SO GOOD HAVING GRAMMIE NEAR.

An inward focus is what I'm feeling drawn to right now.  And as much as I enjoy my online time, it's becoming a little cage-like. In that I feel trapped by my own desires, my own online habits. There's a repositioning that needs to take place.  And I'm thinking it won't be happening "naturally", but more intentionally so.  Sometimes, thankfully, our eyes are opened to the unhealthy habits that have become second-nature.  Geesh, maybe I should save all this for another post.....(bless your heart if you're STILL reading)!

A LITTLE MESSAGE FROM THE BOYS.

 See you in a few weeks.....

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary

so that the necessary may speak."

~Hans Hofmann~