Ski tags

A few nights ago Jake and I went to Olive Garden's. We took his nephew and his wife out to dinner and enjoyed our time so much. You see, they just left the Amish a few months ago, and are in the middle of transitioning their entire life, their mindset and their very way of living. She just got her permit a few weeks ago, she's 23. He has new shirts and a haircut. They are brave.

(pictures taken at the local Farm Show.....a huge indoor arena that is transformed once a year and dedicated to all things farming).

It's no easy thing to pick up your very way of living and CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I'm not trying to say that they are better now because they are no longer Amish. I know there are many conservative readers here and my point in talking about this is to share their journey, not to cast judgement on yours. There are many Amish and "English", (what the Amish call the non-Amish) people who need freedom. Outward appearances can be deceiving to what's truly going on inside; from tattoos and leather to cape dresses and bonnets.

As we were waiting to be seated, in walked a group of young girls, maybe 16 or 17 years old. I noticed the one girl because she sort of reminded me of myself at that age. She was surrounded by her friends and sort of leaning her head against her one friends shoulder, (something I would have done and still do). I show affection. I'm a hugger. Always have been, always will be.

The thing that caught my eye the most were the ski tags on her shiny red North Face jacket. I use to do that too. Go skiing, yes, because I liked to ski, but probably more to get one of those lift passes that I could then wear on my jacket for the rest of the Winter for all to see, (preferably 3-4 would do the trick).

(I want to be as cool as these ladies).

I even joined FFA, (Future Farmers of America) to go on the FREE ski trip, hilarious and sad, but true. I did come to enjoy FFA though despite my ulterior motives! I met a whole new *group* of people I would have otherwise not met. Sat with some new people at the sacred lunch table in the cafeteria! I got to compete in the tug-of-war at the Lampeter Fair and came to enjoy country line dancing at good ol' Low Places! I learned to sport cowboy boots, (the ones my brother Tom purchased for me when I turned 16 and just pulled out of the attic last week to wear to the Farm Show, along with a triple strand of pink pearls of course)! HA HA!! Those were the days!

(above mentioned boots!!)

Her ski tags got me thinking, what tags do I wear in my life now to gain the approval or nod of others? Just like it was back then, but perhaps not so obvious, (well, maybe it's obvious to others and not to myself). You know, like having well behaved children or a clean house. Having a garden or a nice blog. Being influential or inspirational. Maybe for you it's your husbands job, your desire for control, your looks, your income, shopping, gossiping, your career, what you wear, where you live, who your friends are, whether or not your children love Jesus, whether or not you have children, the church you go to, the church you don't go to, traveling, spiritual authority, knowledge, even our soul freedom or the pursuit of it....all that STUFF we do to keep our approval ratings high.

(YES~that is made out of BUTTER)!!

Non of these things are *bad* in and of themselves. However, if I feel that I have to maintain them in order to maintain affection or love or acceptance, then it's not ok. It's bondage.

It's loving what we THINK others will love, talking the way we THINK others would want to hear, parenting the way we THINK others would want, going to church because we THINK we should, or just dressing a certain way because of what others will THINK. In some cases this is true, as with the Amish, there are definite things that will change, (for example, being shunned for the rest of your life) so the decision SEEMS like a bigger deal, (and it is, I am not belittling the drastic decision one must make).

Sometimes I wish I had a more sure way of seeing the changes in myself. Like literally wearing a new type of clothing, an entirely new wardrobe because of the decisions I've made!! Relatively speaking, my decisions are easy to come by. Maybe that's what Jesus' dear friend meant when he said:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Those attributes aren't as easily noticed as ski tags,

but then again,
maybe they are.

Ordinary Moments

*music can be muted at bottom of page*


"because this is how you spend your one life well.
receiving each MOMENT for what it is.
Holy.
ordinary.
amazing grace.
a gift."
~Ann Voskamp~

Communication and underwear

In contrast to this picture, the snow is gently falling and it's so beautiful outside right now. All the kids are sleeping, not soundly though, they all have fevers ! Nothing else along with it, except Paisley sounds a little croupy, so I rubbed Vick's on her chest and after warming a burp cloth over the woodstove, placed that on her chest as well. I can't tell you why I do that EXCEPT IT'S WHAT MY MOTHER DID!! And I remember that warm feeling of being cared for.

I got a lot done today because of everyone being so down and out. Much TV was watched and much fruit was eaten by the children. Annie and I painted her cabinets today, just the primer. Tomorrow the final coat will go on......"Antique White", (doesn't that sound pretty)? On Saturday we painted her home the most peaceful CELERY GREEN color....it's lovely. My friend Angie posted this on my facebook wall tonight and it cracked me up:

"Did she tell you i stopped in on Saturday? she is sooo adorable!! she insisted on taking me on a tour (even though we had never met before. =)) she was so proud & happy & excited! telling me why she choose "green paint & not tan...heavens..not tan!" =) such a sweet sweet lady. i'm sure you ALL cannot wait until she is moved in!"

And that about sums it up!! She and we are so excited for MOVE IN DAY!! It's been a long time coming and the date has been pushed back so many times, (as often happens with extensive renovations)! WE HOPE THAT ON HER 72ND BIRTHDAY she will be in there, that would be February 6th!

Found a beautiful brand new kitchen sink for her today, (from craigslist) it's beige porcelain and will go so nicely with everything else. I have to drive to Philadelphia to get it, but it's a steal of a deal.

Tonight we talked about churning our own butter and looked for a butter churner on ebay. This makes me happy. I'm weird.

I am not foolish enough to believe it will always be easy with her here. On the contrary, I am foolish enough to TRUST AND BELIEVE that we WILL HAVE GRACE for whatever may come our way. Just tonight as we were painting side by side I told her that she doesn't have to be afraid of getting sick, that God will help us deal with that if it happens. She said that all her life she has prayed that if she gets sick she would "go in the wink of an eye" and not be on a sick bed for years. I pray too that God would grant her humble request. And up until then I pray her days will be SO FULL OF JOY that she will forget the pain and suffering that has been hers so much of her life. Someday I will do an interview with her and you will know more the BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SHE IS.

And yes, she is my Mother-in-Law, but WHO AM I to not extend love to her and welcome her onto our property? THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR MANY AND THAT IS FINE. If you cannot stand your Mother-in-law, at least THANK GOD that she birthed & raised your husband, (and if you can't stand your husband, well, I can't help you there)!!!!

COMMUNICATION WILL BE THE KEY, (AND IS THE KEY) TO ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!

Tonight I told her that I don't want to feel like she is watching me to see if I'm working or not, (working hard is highly valued in the Amish culture). There may be days that we all stay in our pj's and the dishes don't get done and the boys have no underwear or socks and I don't do laundry even because of that. I will probably sunbathe more in one Summer then she ever did in her entire life and my garden will have weeds in it. Three days a week I will probably have a friend here and that's just the way we roll.

She so graciously told me how it use to be when she took care of, (lived with) her Mother-in-law. She told me stories of the way it was, (lack of privacy, trying to gain approval, gossip and slander, etc.) and promised to me that it will never be that way. The thing that is different here is I respectfully say it how it is....I hope I can continue that when things come up with sharing this property and such.

We have concluded that RULE #1: no just walking into one another's home. CALL FIRST and if they don't answer then that means it's not a good time. The children too will know Grammie's phone number an WILL CALL BEFORE VISITING. "I don't want to feel like I can't walk around in my underwear for fear that you'll walk right in" I said to her, (and for the record I don't walk around like that, BUT IF I WANTED TO I could do so freely). "Oh, Amen to that" she replied!!!

So, we start there and pray for GRACE TO FACE whatever may come our way! I can honestly say to you that I don't really care about myself, (at this moment) truly I WANT HER HAPPINESS!!!! Now, ask me this 3 years, (or 3 months) from now and I'll let you know how we're doin' on that one!!!

"He will also send you rain
for the seed you sow in the ground,
and the food that comes from the land will be
rich and plentiful.
In that day your cattle
will graze in broad meadows."
Isaiah 30:23

*pictures taken from last October....a double rainbow over the carriage house!*

lonely.

There are a lot of lonely people around us.

Even though we may not be able to tell or see from their outward demeanour, it's there and VERY REAL.

Personally, I think we as a society lack the HUMAN INTERACTION that we were CREATED TO EXPERIENCE.

We are MADE FOR COMMUNITY, not for anonymous living or superficial cyber acceptance! There are so MANY PEOPLE WHO WONDER IF ANYONE CARES WHETHER THEY LIVE OR DIE. We have a BEAUTIFUL OPPORTUNITY while we walk this earth to SHOW AFFECTION TO OTHERS through our tiniest of actions.

Sometimes I wonder why we were placed here in this farmhouse by the side of the road. Yes, we loved it and knew it was just what we were looking for.....we took out a mortgage, paid the closing costs, moved in and took a picture by the "SOLD" sign, but BEYOND that and more importantly then that WHY ARE WE HERE, on this street, in this town, in this state?

(OUR FIRST HOME & CRAZY SHORT HAIR)

I don't make New Year's resolutions very often, (if ever). It feels like too much pressure on myself and being the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal I am, I don't do well when I feel there are expectations put on me, (by myself or by others).

Anywho, this year I DID make a resolution and it is to get to know at least two neighbors within two houses of my own,

north, south, east or west.

We all would be surprised to realize how LITTLE WE KNOW THOSE RIGHT AROUND US. I'm not looking to have a new best friend and don't have expectations of a blossoming friendship, HOWEVER, I DO HAVE EXPECTATIONS TO SHOW THEM THAT SOMEONE CARES and that people are still friends in REAL life and not just one click away. And this is not in my own strength or vision, it's just something that has come to my mind so often as I pass by the same houses day after day after day after day!

(7 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH LUKE & PAINTING OUR BEDROOM).

"Dear friend, you are doing good work for God when you take care of the traveling teachers who are passing through, even though they are strangers to you. "
3 Jonh 1:5

IT'S NOT ABOUT GOOD WORKS......it's about getting OUTSIDE OUR FOUR WALLS TO EXPRESS THE LOVE OF GOD IN A TANGIBLE WAY TO THOSE AROUND US.

Now, I have NO IDEA how I'm going to *meet* these neighbors.....

*knock, knock*

"um, hi, i'm your neighbor and just wanted to say hi, i'm your neighbor."

smile and stare blankly at each other.

Ok, so hopefully it won't go like that......but I do have food and FOOD ALWAYS OPENS DOORS right, (unless they think I'm trying to poison them)! Oh well, it's not for me to figure it all out right now. It's the WILLINGNESS that matters at this moment.

How about you? Wanna join me and meet two of YOUR neighbors within two houses of your own? We could call it "two within two" or something cool like that, (I like to name things and events)! :)

Leave a comment and let me know if you want to join me and we'll keep each other accountable and share the neat stories that ARE BOUND TO SURFACE when we get outside our ourselves!!

"I nod to a passing stranger,
and the stranger nods back,
and two human beings go off,
feeling a little less anonymous."
~Robert Brault~

Laundry room the color of fabric softner!

So I wanted a different color in our laundry room.

Something CHEERFUL to help take away the "laundry" blues!

and THIS is what happened!!!

Got a little bit BRIGHTER then I had first wanted!
It matched my fabric softener just right....so it was a keeper!
And Jake was so sweet, "if you like it honey!" Seriously. So nice of him!

I love it, in all it's CRAZINESS & BOLDNESS! Took me a bit to get use to though!
And especially now with a landscape of white snow outside,
it's so inviting and warm!

i love tablecloths.

all sorts of lovely, bright, vintage tablecloths.

our shoe system for the kiddos.
our shoe system for the adultos.

that bin was from target.

the cool mint trashcan $1 from our neighbors garage sale.

plastic picture frames from the dollar store!

i didn't want glass ones hanging up that high.

i don't think they look too "cheap" when grouped together like this!

one of my favorite walls in the house!

if you HAVE to do something,
WHY NOT make it BEAUTIFUL & INVITING??

the floors use to be this color.

but since I was going with a beach colored theme,
I decided to just paint the floor a sand color,
(plus, the kids were in Vacation Bible School every night that week--SCORE)!!

A lovely print by my incredibly talented cousin Freiman Stoltzfus.

garden buckets.

garden hats.

garden gloves.

what a GREAT deal one year at a garage sale.

ALL these curtains for the SIX windows.....

PLUS, ones to go in the kitchen too!

THANKS for stopping by.....

don't worry about letting the screen door slam on your way out!!

"The light is what guides you home,
the warmth is what keeps you there."
~Ellie Rodriguez~

new thoughts for a new year

happy new year friends.....both near and far. i'm having a bit of writers block tonight, but also feeling an itch to write......i'm weird like that.

last wednesday we had a beautiful night.

there is a lady at our church who is a local artist.

the final wednesday of each month she unveils her latest paintings, people gather and listen to beautiful worship music and we let the Lord speak to us through the things we see in the paintings. i had never experienced anything like that night and it was so.....peaceful. freeing. intense. the room was dimly lit and there was passionate worship music playing, a few spotlights illuminating the large 3 foot paintings. several candles lit here and there and about 50 souls sitting in peace and quiet. some drawing. some praying. some writing. some being still.

as i sat there an idea came to my mind and heart, i'd like to have a "yearly theme word" and start a new tradition of sorts within myself. i get distracted so easily, (blame it on the sanguine personality)!! I don't like that about myself, I start strong and don't finish too well, or at all. I get lots of "GRAND" ideas that never come to fruition.....so, hopefully this with stick!

I guess only time will tell!!!

The word that came to me for 2011 is "GAZE."

Toward the end of this past year I felt like my focus was really slipping. That I was spending a lot of THE TIME GIVEN ME looking at things that don't really matter and won't be lasting past my grave.

If we're honest, most of us feel from time to time that "there must be more" then where we're at and who we are right now. And I believe that those *feelings* were placed there for a reason, to keep us from taking ourselves too seriously, to keep us from being too confident in ourselves, to remind us that it's not all about us.....basically, to turn our GAZE.

i want to make a difference in this life. But sometimes I get too focused on making that difference and it isn't what's truly important. Who cares if we make a difference if we aren't BECOMING that difference? There is a deep soul work that wants to bury down into me and I want to embrace that wholeheartedly, whatever it may look like. Easy to type out, hard to work out.

Experiencing powerful nights of worship and stillness is a wonderful thing,

but it isn't enough,
never has been.
"Because people are having real, and helpful, spiritual experiences in certain areas of their lives~~such as worship, prayer, Bible studies and fellowship----they mistakenly believe they are doing fine, even if their relational life and interior world is not in order. This apparent "progress" then provides a spiritual reason for not doing the hard work of maturing. They are deceived." (Peter Scazzero, from "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" not nearly as 'new age' a book as it sounds!!)

I want to become my most authentic self.

Wow, I'm starting to sound like a wacko!! I'm not meaning it to sound like I'm off the deep end, but if you listen to what resonates within you while you read this, you too will have a sense of drawing to the deeper places of who you are and who you were CREATED to be.

This past year I had a life changing experience. We found out that one of our good friends and his wife had been eating out of garbage dumpsters to survive. For one year. Garbage. Dumpsters. For one year.

Even now as I type this out it doesn't even seem real and when she was telling me about it I almost laughed and told her to stop joking. But she was serious with the tears in her eyes and a quiver in her chin. I was shamed and humiliated. We missed the mark, big time. We didn't know. We didn't ask. We didn't realize. Quite frankly, we didn't care. They pretended all was well.....and no one knew. NO ONE.

They were all alone and surrounded at the same time.

It's no wonder we didn't know, it isn't something that people talk about

or want others knowing about. We don't feel guilty for not knowing, for not having some

sixth sense, however, there was an opportunity for us and we missed it because we were too busy with our own things.

There is beauty in availability.
Something I want to be aware of this year.

"He executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets free the prisoners, the Lord opens the eyes of the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord protects and preserves the strangers, He upholds the fatherless and the widow and sets them upright......"
Psalm 146:7-9