a letter

Recently I sent a letter to a friend.
I wanted to share bits of it with you because even as I was writing it, I felt I understood myself just a little more.

"As far as I'm concerned one can never have too much stationery, (another weakness of mine along with aprons, dishes and various chapsticks)! I hope and say a prayer that this little package finds you fulfilled and focused. Not on all that must be done in caring for your home, husband and children~instead on the inner workings of your womanhood and spirit man.

We are so much more then wives and Mothers, (although I question that many days). I long for fulfillment through and through....in what I do AND in who I am. And I know that I, (we) are not alone in that desire. How comforting to know that we are not the first or the last to trudge, (as it were) through this life!

Motherhood is no easy task, (but I don't have to tell you that). I'm not out to pretend it is. There are days I yell and pinch too much and just generally act a fool....and then there are sunshine days that I thank God for. Yet, it's on the difficult days, (or weeks) that I want to know His nearness, care and compassion for me. I CANNOT DO THIS IN MY OWN STRENGTH. I don't want to be strong or brave or a "good Mom" because those things are really accomplished through my own doings....and quite frankly I'm tried of me!!

And so, let us fall to our knees at our kitchen sinks

and cry out for Sweet Grace, mercy and Truth to FILL US ANEW!

"Your mercy and loving-kindness , O Lord,
endure forever~forsake not the work of Your own hands,

(um, that would be me)!!
Psalm 138:8

All my love dear friend,
Janelle

The realization of my need for Jesus is increased on a daily basis. And it's not because I've been sitting in His presence with His peace and stillness rushing over me. It's in the DAILYNESS OF LIFE that I am seeing how pathetic I am IN AND OF MYSELF. And this is not something I say to put myself down or make myself feel like I am a victim of Motherhood. On the contrary, it's a TRUTH that seems to be burrowing itself deeper as the children grow and the demands, at times, SEEM greater then I can possibly handle.

I'm reminded of a hymn that I use to listen to my Mother sing as a young girl, watching tears stream down her face. Seated on the hard, oak colored pew in the little Mennonite church on a Sunday morning. Fidgety and five.

"Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,

for I am thy God, I will still give thee aid;

I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand,

upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand,
upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand."

~How Firm a Foundation~

Goodbye

This has been a tough decision, one I have not made easily, but it's the best thing for me, for us. I'm having to quit this blog.

I can't believe I just typed those words!! I could cry.

Here's the low-down:
It started innocently enough with anonymous comments, (that have sinced been deleted) here and there on several posts throughout this past year. And then letters starting coming to our home and I have never given out our address on my blog. Last month someone started knocking on our door at night and then when we go answer it, no one was there. Same with the phone ringing. It had only happened once so we didn't make a big deal about it. But, it happened again last night.

It really has started to scare us so we feel that this is the best decision.

We haven't involved the police yet, but aren't afraid to do so.

I can't say for certain if it definitely is connected to this blog, but for safety's sake this will have to be goodbye! I so enjoy blogging and will miss you all.

Some of you I have never had the chance to meet and yet you have shared YEARS with me. Thank you for that.
For welcoming me into your world.
Your life.

This is a sad day for me. However, if you'd like to keep in touch, please send me your email address and we can do so and also, I'll be keeping my facebook account up and running. I may decide to continue blogging privately, but haven't made that decision as of now.

It's been quite a ride and I've enjoyed every moment along the way!!!

Oh, one more thing...

April Fools!!!

hee hee!! Oh my word,
I'm so sorry I just did that to you,
but it WAS kinda fun!

Oh my word, I'm so mean,
do you still love me??!!

2010 Census form

Dear Mrs. Duggar, it's times like these,
when I'm filling out the Census form,
that I am thankful I don't have 19 children.
I hope you have an entire day
to fill out this dear form
because goodness knows you will need it.

All the best,
Janelle

HaPpY 3rd BiRtHdAy SwEeT LuKe!!!

(Luke, Winter, 2009, sitting on his hero's lap).

(Luke @ 10 months)

It's my little boys 3rd birthday today!! Man, I love this kid! He has a tenacity that I rarely see, even in adults. If he has to do something he would rather do it himself, then to ask for help. Very similar to the way he was born. "Here I am Mom, I don't care if the midwife is here or not, I'm ready NOW!!" Luke has something I like to call "the soul stare." It seems you can see right into his little soul when you look into his eyes. He has so much to share, if you'll just take the time to search for it. The above pictures show a glimpse of it. It started a very young age.

He likes goals and thrives best when he has a purpose!! Here he is helping make homemade, freshly churned ice cream a few months ago. He stayed out on the front porch the entire time, from start to finish and loved every minute. He is very hands-on. This was the perfect thing for him.

He isn't very expressive unless he is alone with you or knows you well. Normally, you'll get a little glance from him or maybe, if you're lucky, a high five. But if he allows you into his world, you will feel so loved. He likes everything JUST the way it's "suppose" to be done. He adores his Daddy and plays "Daddy" at least once a day, dressing up with all his "gear": phone, hat, boots, lunch box, measuring tape, sunglasses, pack of gum and the lid of my kitchen pan for his truck steering wheel.

He has a silly side that is endearing. He can be crazy with Tyler or just content by himself. He likes when people laugh at him, but only if he initiates it. If someone is laughing at him when he wasn't meaning to be funny, he'll hide his face and say something like, "no body looking at me."

Most everything he puts his hands to he has a purpose for. I have to be careful not to pick up after him without getting the go-ahead because he is usually in the middle of creating, building, inventing something. He plays well by himself and is normally a follower, going along with the flow is just fine by him.

Pretty sure he's about to do something mischievous....don't you think?

Yep, he just threw all that rubber mulchey stuff into the air!!

He is very sensitive to outwardly:

• sun in his eyes~he loves to wear his "eggo glasses", (Diego) and
  makes sure he has them everywhere we go.
  
• his favorite type of gum is "spicy" gum, (big red or peppermint).
  
• He likes hummus and anything spicy he will eat.
  
• He loves to play the guitar and sing loud.
  
• he doesn't like when the music is too loud in the car, but when he's in control, the louder the better. And when he plays the guitar he loves the music to be LOUD!!
  
• his socks have to be on his feet just perfectly, "all jack up Mom" if it's slightly off.
  
• one of his favorite things to do is to put lotion on his face and chapstick
  on his lips, (normally done in stealth mode) after which I will ask what he's
  doing. "Look me handsome" he'll matter-of-factly say.
  
• Each night he prays for the same group of people:
  "Aunt Chris, Tom, Vonnie, Sophie, Bennett."

Dear Luke,
I love you so much.
You adapt so well to whatever comes your way.
You have taught me a lot about being sensitive to others needs before my own.
You take life with a grace that is beyond your years. You go with the flow like no one I've ever met before.....oh wait, I married someone like that and he Fathered you, never mind!

Like this song says, "My wish for you is that this life becomes ALL that you want it to,
Your dreams stay BIG, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold. And while you're out there gettin'
where you're gettin' to, I hope you know somebody loves you."

Jesus has a GREAT plan for your life and I am honored to call you SON!

Love,
Mom

a letter

Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser,

Truly, I have no words. You are just down right amazing. I find myself spending more & more time with you. Just keeping you tightly in my hand as I make my way through my home, on the prey for the crudest of crud. You ALWAYS come through for me, even in the toughest of situations. Sometimes I just have crazy thoughts about seeing how good you TRULY are,
"what if I wrote with permanent marker all over my yellow kitchen wall?" Would you come through for me then? Silly Man, I know you would. You've never failed me yet. So, in closing I just wanted you to know that you will always, always have a place in my home.

Yours forever,
Janelle

a letter

Dear Dishes,

Please don't be upset at me,
but I'm going to completely ignore you tonight.
I'll see you in the morning.

Yours truly,
Janelle