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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Heavy heart

Today is a cozy day in my book, the rain is falling at a steady pace, the boys are peacefully sleeping and I'm able to relax in the comforts of our lovely home. And despite all these beautiful things, my heart is a heavy one. There are two couples whom I do not know, but have "met" via their blogs and have followed their journeys. Darren and Misty LeBlanc shared a love that many will never know. She died on Wednesday from brain cancer and leaves her young daughter, Olivia in the hands of her husband. Her memorial service took place in New Jersey this afternoon.

Clear on the other side of America are Cody and Amy Spahr. Cody was diagnosed with cancer less then 2 months after the were married. He, as his wife so beautifully said, " caught the first flight out to Heaven to meet his maker" early last Sunday morning. Amy went to the same missions school, (Youth With a Mission) I went to, in Monroe, NC. So there are a few connections to her that we share. And I am sure that if my heart is heavy for her, those that love her & Cody must be so full of mixed emotions. Earlier today she celebrated Cody's grand life and brave, fearless, fight.
Again my mind and heart are called to attention. We have no guarantees in this life, no one promising us a pain free existence. Right now my life is pretty good....very good actually. I know this can change in an instant, as it does for so many and I just want to know that I would be okay, that I would trust through it all. I don't know that right now.

As I followed the journeys these couples have made thus far, and will continue to follow as they forge this new path, I am in awe at two things: the lack of regret and the seeming absence of worry. I wish that for myself as well. Looking back and wishing things would have been, could have been or should have been a different way must be a terrible place to live in. On the other hand, looking ahead and wondering about what will be, could be or should be seems just as bad.

It occurs to me that living in the NOW is the most peaceful place to be. And I've heard many people say, as they trudge through the dark valley of death, "I just have to take this one day at a time." I'm encouraging myself that even in the dailiness of life, the "mountaintops", this way of living works just as well.

I don't know what I would do if/when hardships come knocking, but my desire is to prepare my heart even now. To be soft and pliable, to bend with life.

Please, take time to read a bit about the lives that Misty and Cody led. They were gifts to this earth and their life was lived to the regrets. May it be said of us as well.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.
It's the way it is.
The way you deal with it is what makes the difference." ~
Virginia Satir~
"give me jesus" by fernando ortega


oh joy! said...

Thanks for sharing. After I read your post, I read this from a recovery devotional that I read almost daily.

"As we come to rely more and more on a Higher Power for the management of our day-to-day life, the despair arising from our long experiment with self-sufficiency disappears."

The words resonated within while considering the grace and seeming lack of worry, as you pointed out, displayed in the lives of these amazing people.

Peace and Love...

Adrienne said...

That quote says it all.....

Mark and Heather said...

Hey is Heather here. Yes...I am still checking out your blog. You have encouraged me on many of a day so for that thank you! Today you wrecked me with your post in a good way. I hate thinking about that stuff but it is good to remember to be grateful for life is truly good right now! So..thanks.

Jena said...

thank you dear friend, for writing this- "I can wear forgiveness like a crown."
Right now, that is my living in the moment and walking in the peace and thankfulness that God has for me.
Here's to believing for the ALL that God has for us in this life and the next- restoration, reconcilliation, and redemption.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post.