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Monday, September 6, 2010

Given another day with Paisley

We've been given another day with Paisley.
She ran out to the road on Friday.

I was getting ready to head out with the children and the boys had gone out to the car. I had asked them to get their flops on and buckle themselves in. Paisley was in the bathroom with me. I was putting on my makeup and the next thing I heard was the screen door slamming and a few seconds later Tyler and Luke screaming. I looked out the blinds from my upstairs bathroom window and saw Paisley walking toward the road. It all happened so fast, as most accidents do. I ran/fell down the steps and out the doors.

A truck had stopped in the middle of the road and she was about to step onto the road. Tyler was crying and Luke was screaming. I grabbed her and sat down right there, just sobbing. Paisley was crying now too. Some landscapers that were working directly across the street had made their way over as well, apparently they had seen this all unfolding and were running to her from the opposite side of the road. I think this is also why she was headed that direction, seeing people working across the street.
I closed the gate and we all sat on the other side of safety and cried. The boys were very shaken, we all were. I told the boys I was sorry I hadn't had the gate closed, (something that is a daily habit, but overlooked this morning). I told them that if they ever see her going out there again they can tackle her down and drag her to safety.

We all came inside and I just cried and cried and thanked God over and over and over for keeping her safe and sparing her life.......our life. I talked with the boys about how God and His angels were watching over her. I talked to each of the boys individually about what they saw and how they felt and the scary feelings they were having. "I don't want her to go to heaven" said Tyler.

This is not the first time we've had this happen, living so closely to the road.
Tyler did this same thing two days before Luke was born.

It's too much for us to think about.....what could have been. I'm struggling with guilt today, just the mere thought of what may have been on my shoulders. Why have we been spared this tragedy yet again?
I'm about ready to sell this house and move somewhere with a very.long.lane.

"We aren't guaranteed safety there either" said Jake.

Later in the morning Tyler and Luke brought me some little purple flowers that they had picked and placed in a plastic cup, "these are for you Mom 'cause you were brave and saved Paisley and we want you to be happy!" said Tyler. I was still crying and very upset.
During Paisley's nap I "happened" upon this blog, (certainly not by coincidence, this I know) a dear woman and her husband whose 18 month old baby girl "Preslee" died tragically this Summer. I recognize this could have been us.

None of us are immune from suffering,
deep, great suffering.

I am sharing this only to PROCLAIM GOD'S FAITHFULNESS TO US TODAY!!!! Had something terrible happened and we were on the other side of brokenness, God would still be faithful, we just wouldn't be able to see it so clearly.

And so on this NORMAL MONDAY MORNING in September I thank God again from the depth of who I am.

We are not in control of our lives,
Jake & Janelle, Tyler, Luke & Naomi Paisley.
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.
One day I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
stretch myself taut,
or raise my hands to the sky and want,
more than all the world, your return.

~Mary Jean Iron~


Jena said...

oh friend, I cannot believe you did not tell me that yesterday. I love you, and your kiddos so much... I simply can't imagine...

"None of us are immune from suffering,
deep, great suffering.....Had something terrible happened and we were on the other side of brokenness, God would still be faithful, we just wouldn't be able to see it so clearly."
Grateful with you that at this juncture in your life, God's faithfulness is obvious.
Its when His faithfulness is hidden: by our own sin, the sins of others, or the results of living in this fallen world, that we HAVE to remember the history that we share with our Father of his times of OBVIOUS FAITHFULNESS, and TRUST that when the veil is lifted we will be able to see His faithfulness again. I am hugging you and your kiddos as tightly as I can in my head...loving you so much.

Esther@fleurcottage said...

dear friend...hugs & more hugs!

Anne said...

Oh Janelle, those moments are such wake up calls to value our valuables. I'm so sorry that happened and so glad that it didn't happen fully...oh my.

My heart is with you. My eyes are wet and my cheeks tearstained at just the mere thought of what could've been. I wouldn't wish that tragedy on my deepest enemy.

You are great mother. But we are all imperfect no matter how perfect we try to be. Thank Heavens for the Grace of God that is there to protect our babies when we cannot.

Aimee said...

How scary! I had the exact same thing happen to me last week with Jack!! It makes me very aware of how quickly things can happen!

I'm so glad that things turned out ok for sweet girl Paisley!!!! And praying that you won't feel any more guilt. You're an awesome mama!!

Aimee said...

How scary! I had the exact same thing happen to me last week with Jack!! It makes me very aware of how quickly things can happen!

I'm so glad that things turned out ok for sweet girl Paisley!!!! And praying that you won't feel any more guilt. You're an awesome mama!!

consume me... said...

My heart aches with the thoughts of what could be the reality for your sweet family today. SO thankful that you are all gathered there safely together in one place...God's sweet mercy overtop of each of you. I spent an enormous amount of time reading every word of the site you linked to...what a story. Whether Paisley's outcome or Preslee's, God is still good, still sovereign over all....

Snuggle closer to your little ones today...but know that it is the Father who holds them and gives each their next breath. How gracious He has been!

Bess said...

Oh, Janelle! I can feel your fear and your guilt...what a scare!

A few years ago, we were at Aimee's parent's home in DE, just some small group girls and I had Danae with me. I was almost 8 months pregnant with Caedon at the time, and we were packing up to go home and I couldn't find Danae. I looked around the home and then saw her out back, at the edge of the wooden deck next to the bay, where there was no railing. She was standing there looking at something, at the very edge, and I freaked out inside while slowly walking to her without startling her and grabbed her. Her two-year-old self could have just fallen right into the water, and I wouldn't have known. I still have nightmares about it (had one just last night, actually) and I wake up in fear, living it over and over...and, just as you did, thanking God for sparing her and giving us more time with her.

All we can do is teach them what is right and what is wrong and pray, Janelle...Jake's right. No matter where we move to or what trips we take or how cautious we are, these babes are pretty much "on loan" to us from the Lord and they aren't guaranteed 100% safety. Oh, the lessons we learn!!!

Love you, girl!

clarita said...

Oh Janelle, this makes my heart pound just thinking about it! This very same thing happened with Olivia less than a week ago, and she was walking across the street to the park. The terrible thing was that I was *outside with her* thinking I was keeping a close eye on her. She is much faster than I realized, and Zoe was the one that yelled to me that "Olivia is on the road!!!!!" Heart-pounding, feeling like I was running in a dream (where you want to run but simply cannot pick up your feet) I scooped her up and brought her back to safety... All the next day I was having nightmares of what could have happened, and how we could be planning a funeral, and such horrible things! I am sooo thankful for God's protection in those times because I am not ever-present!

And HOW PRECIOUS about those flowers from the hands and hearts of your boys... It seemed to be God's validation of you as a mother, that regardless of what happened or could have happened, you are a brave, good mother! That just melts me...

Here's to hugging our children a little tighter, and loving them a little more, even on seemingly "bad" days...

Sarah Gingrich said...


Praise the Lord for His mercy. We mothers are imperfect creatures. If our love could act as a gigantic force shield around our little ones, surely never a child would be hurt or worse. But as it is, they are our hearts running around on two legs, and when they fall, we feel the impact within us. Praying now for a release from lingering fear, guilt, and anything else that wants to take root. You are an amazing mother, not an omnipresent one.

Much love to you from Chile,
Where my heart runs about on six legs too,