L’amour de ma Vie (part 4)

If you need to catch up, here's part 1, part 2 and part 3...

Christmas, 2001
Indeed this Christmas has had its “merry” times, most of them spent with the man I’m falling in love with all over again! Yes, unafraid and shameless to write of this great welling up within my stomach and heart ~ together and at once.
I wanted to stay beside him and not get into my cold car and drive 20 minutes. But I left. He gave me a guitar for Christmas.

“We come to each other, gradually, but with love….with love and honesty, the embrace is inevitable.”
~Tennessee Williams~

January, 2002
An enjoyable weekend with the ones I love most and the one I’m coming to love more deeply. Jake joined my family at the cabin, a milestone to be sure. You don’t just bring anyone along to the cabin!! He adjusted well to everyone around him and all the noise we make! We took Lindsay and Tessa on a walk and found a little place in the woods that looked like “Narnia.” We took our blankets and laid under the moonlight amidst the perfectly lined trees and made up stories for each other. The trees blew and it sounded like the ocean’s tide. After our weekend together I felt scared….it’s scary to fall in love. But if I weren’t afraid I wouldn’t be completely aware of the commitment I’m entering to. Being scared shows me that I’m taking the time to really think about what’s next.

“People have two needs, one is to be intimate the other is to be independent. The greatest barrier to intimacy is the fear that closeness will get in the way of independence.”~Mildred Newman~

February 10th, 2002
The night began as usual. Comfortable silence and cozy cuddles in Jake’s apartment. After a short movie Jake went to the other room and returned with a soft pink shirt in hand. “This is your Valentine’s gift, but I couldn’t wait until then.” He placed it in my hand. I held it up, a bit confused….a large shirt with two teddy bears on it, they were eating honey and it read, “home is where your honey is.” I thought it was a bit tacky so I said, “it’s cute Jake, but I won’t be wearing it in public!” He laughed and we hugged. “Are you sure you like it?” he said. Holding it up a second time to inspect again, I said “yes” EXCEPT this time I noticed something shining on the tag. Could it be? No, not so soon, not here, not now!! I looked closer and yes, THERE IT WAS, my engagement ring, a beautiful diamond waiting for me on the tag…for ME!! I was in complete shock. My eyes blinked so rapidly, I squeezed them shut so tight and opened them so fast my CONTACT FELL OUT! “I’m so unromantic” I cried and ran to the bathroom to put it back in. With shaking hands I somehow managed to not poke my eye out and get the contact back in!! I floated back to the living room, oblivious to my surroundings. With both our hands shaking we got the ring off the tag, (it was taped on there quite well)! He slipped it on my finger and said those timeless words: “will you marry me?” My brain was thinking, this is where you say “yes”, but my mouth wasn’t working! Finally I said, “YES, a thousand times yes.” NO, just kidding….that’s what I WISH I would have said, like on Pride and Prejudice, remember? What I actually said was , “YES, YES, YES.” We hugged and I cried. He pushed play on the stereo, but the wrong song came on! It was some Mexican fiesta song instead of the song from our favorite movie, “Return to me.” Finally we got the right song on and it was all in order: my eyes, the ring, the yes and the music! He swept me off my feet and took me out on the deck, it was raining lightly as he spun me around!
SHOCK.
PEACE.
SHOCK.
We went to my Dad and Mom’s house to tell them….
When I told my Mom I said, “I still feel like I’m 5”, she said, “you’ll always be like that!” Dad was so calm about the whole thing. We ran into Von and Lin…literally, we sat opposite each other at an intersection. We pulled over and she asked what we were doing, I scratched my forehead with my left hand and said, “oh, not much!” She saw the ring and we hugged each other. Lin congratulated Jake.
I made a card for my sister Janet that said, “if you’re not doing something in the next few months…” (open up), “I’m wondering if you’d like to help me plan a wedding?” she cried.

I’m marrying Jacob K. Stoltzfus!!!

“Ah, love, let us be true to one another!For the world,

which seems to lie before us like a land of dreams,

so various, so beautiful, so new….”

~Arnold~