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Friday, April 1, 2011

flowers in the rain

 the care and kindness I have received over the past 2 weeks has truly been LIKE HEALING BALM to me.  thank you.  I think I understand in a new way why my God asks us to be kind to one another.  CARING FOR SOMEONE CAN LITERALLY BRING HEALING TO THEM.  in a very real way.  It isn't hard to show someone you care and it doesn't take much time these days either:
*A quick "how are you today?" text.*
*A little facebook note on their wall.*

*A quick email.*

*A voicemail* 
There are ways to "check in" without having to meet for dinner or coffee.  
write it, sign it, put a stamp on it!  Oh, the lovely cards that people have sent.  They have warmed my heart.  BROUGHT HEALING TO MY MIND.  There is POWER in truly caring for others.

"And you saw how the Lord your God
cared for you again and again here in the wilderness,
just as a father cares for his child...."
Deuteronomy 1:31
Paisley~March, 2010.
I am feeling really good physically and emotionally.  of course there are moments and hours when I am still so sad at what took place over the last 14 days. We are sad that we will never know this Baby Stoltzfus.  Breaks my Mother heart.  I love my babies so much, (even though they drive me crazy some days)!!  And that is what tears at me the most. Not knowing.

I am not burdened with the "why me" feelings. I mean really, "why NOT me?" Who am I to expect everything to always go the way I want it to? I am not my own afterall!  Who am I to PLAN MY WAYS, the paths I think I should take? 

I'm back to my "old ways", blogging at midnight, so that's one sure sign that I'm getting back to normal!  I have to stop staying up so late!  Yet, as many of you know, there's nothing like these night hours when NO ONE NEEDS YOU and the world is yours, so to speak. You can eat whatever you want without being sneaky or without open-mouthed beggars at your fingertips!  And the QUIET.....oh, it can't be beat!  

It feels so warm and cozy in our living room tonight with the fire crackling, the slushing sound of cars driving by on wet roads, the freshly planted purple pansies smiling here beside me.  I planted pansies in the rain tonight.  I didn't care!  SPRING WILL COME TO OUR HOME, it's been decided!  I wore my new anthro hat.      

Paisley~ March, 2011.
Sometimes life is a journey of
planting flowers in the rain, isn't it?!

"The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks."
~Tennessee Williams~


Jena said...

pansies in the rain.
"Life is beautiful, keep struggling."

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just read the last couple posts and my heart truly goes out to you.

Liana said...

Glad you are feeling better. Your flowers in the rain comment made me think of a beautiful song by my favorite artist, Mariah Carey, called "Through the Rain." If you aren't familiar with it, I think you would really enjoy it. =)

Elizabeth Hostetter said...

Janelle.... This might sound ridiculous, but reading your last couple of posts have really comforted me. In Ethics class yesterday we discussed the issue of abortion, and the comments of my peers just broke my heart. But to know that your motherly heart loved your child from the moment you knew of their existence and mourned their loss renews my hope for life. And inspires my paper arguing against the morality of abortion. So I send you a big hug and say "Thank you" through a mist of tears.

Mark Buckwalter said...

love the analogy!:)

Charis O'Connell said...

What a touching, honest post. Thanks for opening up your heart and thoughts and may God show you his deep, all encompassing peace in the days ahead. There's a song that's been in my head today... you may know it..Part of it goes "my heart is glad that you've called me your own, there's no place I'd rather be than in your arms of love, in your arms of love, holding me still, holding me near..."