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Friday, April 4, 2008

The heart of the matter

Last Saturday Jake and I spent the day in Harrisburg at a parenting conference led by Dr. Tedd Tripp called "Instructing a child's heart." It was a full day of wisdom, insight, challenges and hope. Here are a few things I learned, (taken from over 20 pages of notes!!!). I guess I could just buy the book too, but writing it out helps so much!

  • in the absence of Biblical teaching, the secular world takes over automatically.

  • shaping your child's heart is a WAY OF LIFE, not a solution to short-term problems.

  • shaping your child's heart is requires long-term interaction w/ long-term goals.

  • it's not just about surviving, it's about instructing along the way, (let's get out of survival mode...although I must say I live there a lot!!)

  • don't get too focused on the outward appearance, the outward behavior, spend time INWARDLY, there are almost 800 references to the heart in the word of God.

  • the primary place for instruction IS NOT the church, it's a tool....but it's the culture of the family, self-consciously instilling Biblical ways of thinking.

  • If God's word is not important to me, I cannot expect it to important to my boys.

  • What I value, they will value.

  • Let there be a well worn path to Christ that they can follow, (does "God help me" count as a well-worn path??? sure hope so!!)

  • My children have equality in DIGNITY, but I am still their authority, not to rule over them and have them follow w/ blind submission, but to create a circle of blessing for them. "Honor your father and your mother...that it may go well w/ you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." Eph. 6:1
  • this was a big one for me: what are my expectations when it comes to obedience, do I have to raise my voice, use threats, etc. I need to train them that they may have simple obedience under a normal tone of voice, (no easy task I am finding).

  • Our temptation is to manipulate behavior. Have a BIGGER VISION to help him understand his heart.

  • show GRACE to my children, RESTORE them with gentleness.
  • most times of discipline are not fully embraced because of a lack of kind & gracious dialog. monologues are not God-honoring communication.

  • Disarm rebellion by being a good listener.

  • okay, another big one: what I plant today, I will reap tomorrow. Plant PEACE.

  • Godly attitudes/Ungodly attitudes: What we expect from our children, we must expect from ourselves! "Do everything without grumbling or complaining..." (we had a lovely lunch together @ the Hilton during our break....I love my man....the Father of my children! You are amazing honey....keep up the good work)!
  • Discipline and Disciple are very closely connected.

  • Children are hard-wired for worship, they have a desire for delight. SHOW them the true and lasting delight of the Lord. Awaken in His presence and be SATISFIED....(so few things TRULY satisfy). Feast on His abundance!! Psalm 36:5-9 This world is a desert, but there IS a place their, (and my) souls can be satisfied.

  • Let's teach our children the difference between the wise and the fool.

  • we cannot simply "urge" them to do what's right. Let's HELP them learn the Source of lasting pleasure. Draw my children into my faith. Our deepest thirst is for the eternal.

  • My family life is a representation of the church of God. Our experience of family helps extend our ideas of church.

  • The church is the company of God's redeemed.

  • Poor stewardship of time robs you of spiritual blessings...(ok~conviction!)

  • Kindness matters.

  • Shepherd our boys.

    • Place Jesus in the center of my problems, our conflicts. Let Him be our Central.

    • May I be kind, gracious, long-suffering, patient and humble, (easier typed then done!!)

    • Let's show our children the goodness of God!

    Okay, so I'm just thanking God for this information at this time in my life. I will trust HIM to bring it to my remembrance in the "heat of the moment." I want to be Jesus with skin on to Tyler and Luke...and Jake too. He gives GRACE enough with each season. This I know.

    "Correction does much, but encouragement does more." ~Goethe


    tines said...

    janelle! i have been wondering about the conference and wanted to ask you about it! SO excited that you guys could go. sounds like it was excellent! so thankful for good Biblical teaching to help us through. thanks for all the notes...i read through them all and some really resonated with me. xo

    Ang Stoltzfus said...

    THANKS for taking the time to type all of that out! I luv TRIPP & am thankful for his teachings. Biblical truth is always so practical. Your desire to parent your sons hearts warms my soul...i'm sure there will be days in the near future, where i will need some advice in this arena from one who has gone before me....i may give you a call! =)

    Lulu & Tutz said...

    I own the book...would you like my copy? I remember it changing the way I thought about my kids and my own parenting style. My copy is yours if you'd like! This time is but a breath...I wonder where in the world my little boy has gone when I look up at his 6'4" body, what happened to his little brother who is taller than me now, too...and who replaced my sweet baby girl with this one who is emerging into a young woman?!? Oh, but a breath....