Balance~learning to love.

My husband works like no other man I
have EVER met on this earth!
I'm talkin' sweat, blood and bursting forehead veins!, (he has this one vein that pops out on the side of his head if he works too hard or if the heat is too intense while he's working)!

I am convinced he can do anything he puts his mind and heart to.

(pictures in this post from a local home show created by EWBN)

We had a "discussion" this weekend around our kitchen table.

Some raised voices and some shed tears from both sides.

It was about work.

The discussion matched the one we've been having for 8 years now

and that one seemingly insurmountable word:

BALANCE.

Sometimes I wish he were employed;

nicely, neatly, unstressfully employed, (the grass is greener lest I forget!!)
Instead he graciously *employs* himself and others through his excellent business EWBN.

(Jake with Rueben, his brother and business partner).

On top of owning, running and working his business he is renovating the carriage house for his Mom to live in.....and the heat is on, (or shall I say, the COLD is on)....

Winter is sneaking up on us,

I feel her nearness on this cold, rainy day.

We emotionally provide for one another in such drastically opposite ways.

All he does is for us, working hard, providing, long work days, this is how he says he loves us and yet I need *more*....I want his presence!

All I do is for him and yet he needs *more*.....he wants my understanding and respect! I didn't realize how the little things I do or don't say effect him so greatly. We don't realize in general how we signal all day long that we don't respect/love each other. We don't intend for it to happen, life just takes over and we just get through each day together.
Yet, there's got to be more to life and love then this!!

I was listening to a podcast last week on Focus on the Family.
If ANY of this sounds familiar you may enjoy popping over there for a listen.
It's a 3 part series and some of the best listening I've done in awhile.

Tomorrow I'll be posting a new prayer for our husbands in regard to their work.

It's a beautifully written prayer by Stormie Omartian and its stirred my heart anew toward my husband and his work, for example:
"May his labor bring not only favor, success, and prosperity, but great fulfillment as well.....develop his skills so that they may grow more valuable with each passing year.
Show me what I can do to encourage him."

In all honesty, it's ME who wants some encouragement.

SAY this to me.

DO this for me.
RECOGNIZE this about me.

me, me, me.

This is where I'm at right now,
but it's not where I want to stay.
I'm renting a campsite here,

but I'm looking to buy some property & build elsewhere.

Of course we as wives have areas we need to be fulfilled in.
Things that only our husband can, (and should) be providing.

Yet, when things aren't being met *to our expectations*, how do we act?

I'M DOWNRIGHT UGLY I'll tell ya that right now!

And I don't like it.

So, God and I are going to CHANGE THE WAY I ACT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
If nothing goes how I think it might, then who really cares anyway
because I'm better off for the changes I've made in me.

Here's the DANGEROUS THING ABOUT BLOGGING:
You're seeing through a keyhole into someones home....
you only catch a glimpse.

I am not a wonderful, supportive wife.

We have issues.

The only difference is I'm not okay with staying that way

and I hope you aren't either.

Join me tomorrow if you're able.....

"Chains do not hold a marriage together.
It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads
which sew people together through the years."
~Simone Signoret