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Monday, October 4, 2010

Balance~learning to love.

My husband works like no other man I
have EVER met on this earth!
I'm talkin' sweat, blood and bursting forehead veins!, (he has this one vein that pops out on the side of his head if he works too hard or if the heat is too intense while he's working)!

I am convinced he can do anything he puts his mind and heart to.

(pictures in this post from a local home show created by EWBN)
We had a "discussion" this weekend around our kitchen table.

Some raised voices and some shed tears from both sides.

It was about work.

The discussion matched the one we've been having for 8 years now
and that one seemingly insurmountable word:


Sometimes I wish he were employed;
nicely, neatly, unstressfully employed, (the grass is greener lest I forget!!)
Instead he graciously *employs* himself and others through his excellent business EWBN.

(Jake with Rueben, his brother and business partner).

On top of owning, running and working his business he is renovating the carriage house for his Mom to live in.....and the heat is on, (or shall I say, the COLD is on)....

Winter is sneaking up on us,
I feel her nearness on this cold, rainy day.

We emotionally provide for one another in such drastically opposite ways.

All he does is for us, working hard, providing, long work days, this is how he says he loves us and yet I need *more*....I want his presence!

All I do is for him and yet he needs *more*.....he wants my understanding and respect! I didn't realize how the little things I do or don't say effect him so greatly. We don't realize in general how we signal all day long that we don't respect/love each other. We don't intend for it to happen, life just takes over and we just get through each day together.
Yet, there's got to be more to life and love then this!!
I was listening to a podcast last week on Focus on the Family.
If ANY of this sounds familiar you may enjoy popping over there for a listen.
It's a 3 part series and some of the best listening I've done in awhile.

Tomorrow I'll be posting a new prayer for our husbands in regard to their work.

It's a beautifully written prayer by Stormie Omartian and its stirred my heart anew toward my husband and his work, for example:
"May his labor bring not only favor, success, and prosperity, but great fulfillment as well.....develop his skills so that they may grow more valuable with each passing year.
Show me what I can do to encourage him."

In all honesty, it's ME who wants some encouragement.
SAY this to me.
DO this for me.
RECOGNIZE this about me.

me, me, me.

This is where I'm at right now,
but it's not where I want to stay.
I'm renting a campsite here,
but I'm looking to buy some property & build elsewhere.

Of course we as wives have areas we need to be fulfilled in.
Things that only our husband can, (and should) be providing.

Yet, when things aren't being met *to our expectations*, how do we act?

I'M DOWNRIGHT UGLY I'll tell ya that right now!
And I don't like it.

If nothing goes how I think it might, then who really cares anyway
because I'm better off for the changes I've made in me.

You're seeing through a keyhole into someones home....
you only catch a glimpse.
I am not a wonderful, supportive wife.
We have issues.

The only difference is I'm not okay with staying that way
and I hope you aren't either.

Join me tomorrow if you're able.....

"Chains do not hold a marriage together.
It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads
which sew people together through the years."
~Simone Signoret


consume me... said...

How wise you are to see and recognize where you fall short in your relationship...and are not content to stay there. Isn't that just the way we are called to live?? Intentionally look at our actions and reactions and adjust them to look more Heavenly. Your needs will never completely be met by Jake...only as you get filled up by the Lord will you find satisfaction in any other relationship. You're on the RIGHT journey..walk on!!!

Esther@fleurcottage said...

dear friend...i've been there, too!so i 'check my spirit & let God do the work'...easy? absolutely NOT! but it's better than saying words i can never take back. does this always happen? no...but if i haven't learned this by the time i'm 61, when am i? *hugs!*

Michelle said...

oh dearie, this is something that I think, too, is really hard to do! I love you and are praying for YOU. :)

AmyK said...

Thanks for sharing. Just this week I've been feeling as if I'm the only one who has relationship issues to deal with. Thinking everyone else has it all "together" and figured out.

Your realness is an encouragement to me.

Here's to letting the Holy Spirit work in us!

Jeane` said...

Sweet Honesty.
It's not only the name of a classic Avon fragrance, but it could also be a perfect title for this post.
Thank you for keeping it real! (and using my favorite picture of yours...the bare feet and boots). Love it!

Anne said...

Ugh, I feel ya. Sometimes on a bad day, when I think about my own hubby and our current situation, I can actually feel anger toward him. "He volunteered for this?!? Why would he do that when I need him right now?" But then I have to step back and remember WHY he's doing what he's doing. And ultimately, it's because 1. He needs to feel like he's done everything he can to provide for his family and 2. He needs to feel a sense of fulfillment in his he's making a difference in some small way.

And he is. And then I remember how proud I am of him and the anger passes.

In the trenches with you, my friend. You are such an encouragement.

Jena said...

did you read the latest letter from Ransomed Heart? There is one line in it, where John talks about hearing from God, and he says that God speaks to his heart,while talking about something that happened that was not great, and John is questioning God, and God speaks to John's heart and says "even joy is opposed." Makes me think of ALL OF THE TIMES I HAVE COME "AT" MY HUSBAND, when he is NOT the enemy... and when the JOY in our marriage is being opposed...oh that I would have eyes to see TRUTH in the midst of my "needs" not being met... and that I would FIRST go to HIM who can meet ALL my needs... and then go to my hubby:)... with a humble spirit...(isn't that the key to so much? humility) thank you for sharing my friend.. love you!

The lady of the house... said...


Jake just read me that line last night when he was reading the lastest newsletter!!! That's the only thing he read to me! Just that line....

I haven't taken the time to read it today yet....but his newsletters are so timely, each and every month.

Maile said...

Wow, Janelle, I just read your blog and am so grateful for your brutal honesty. It takes a very mature person to write those feelings down and dissect them the way you have. Thanks for opening up like that and being truthful. You are a wonderful "lady of the house":)

Mark Buckwalter said...

thanks for your realness. i love it.