overworked & underappreciated

....have you ever felt that way? it's been that kind of day for me, and it's not because those around me are making me feel this way.....my husband couldn't show me he appreciated me anymore then he already does!! He is so kind about thanking me for all the things I do around the house, with the children, grocery shopping, making dinner, you know, all the things we do that take up the hours between 7:30 am - 9:30 pm!! And I don't expect much from Tyler and Luke in the way of thanks and that's okay, but they sure do surprise me with random hugs and "thanks for making me nice and snuggy Mom" which Tyler said as I tucked him into bed this evening.

...and yet today I've been having those FEELINGS, and that is all they are. I've come to the grand conclusion, (staring me right in the face) that's it's because of the expectations I place on MYSELF.

I was down and the vibe in my home was going down with me....so I paused in my day and picked up a great book my dear Southern Belle Vickie sent me when Luke was born, "God's road map for Moms" by Bordon and Winters, (that would be after I ****fed the boys breakfast, broke up fights, dressed them and myself so as to look presentable to the world, loaded the boys, unloaded the boys at Ameila's grocery store, shopped, paid, loaded them again, unloaded them at Costco, shopped, paid, loaded them again, unloaded them at "french fries house" as Tyler calls it, (mcdonalds), fed them a nutritional lunch, loaded them, unloaded them at home, brought in the groceries, put the groceries away, put the boys down for naps, had a hot brownie with ice cream and strawberries and took a nap ~~ I'm pretty sure I was hearing the hallelujah chorus during this time of the day, did some laundry, cleaned up the toys, broke up fights, made dinner, wiped up the glass of orange juice spilled all over the place during dinner, cleaned up after dinner, loaded the dishwasher, wiped the kitchen floor, more laundry, more cleaning up of toys, put boys to bed and ONLY THEN sat down with the aforementioned book)!!!!!!

As I read the verses I could literally sense a change in me, a surrendering, a softening, TRUTH cutting through LIES.

"O Lord God, YOU are my confidence."
Psalm 71:5

"The Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." Proverbs 3:26

"The fruit of righteousness will be PEACE;
the effect of righteousness will be quietness & confidence forever.

My people will LIVE in peaceful dwelling places,
in secure homes, IN UNDISTURBED PLACES OF REST."

Isaiah 32:17-18

I can confidently say that I was not living in "undisturbed places of rest" this evening.....more like disturbed places of disturbance. I am seeing again that it is such a CHOICE that we have to make on our own, to ENTER those places of peace and rest and contentment within the four walls of life as we know it. Those places are there, waiting.

My eyes also fell upon a letter and a comic strip that my Mom sent me this past summer, post marked July 7, 2008. I have them taped to my cabinet door in my kitchen. Part of it reads:

"Dear Janelle, this comic is so fitting for you at this stage. I've been there, now its all past and gone and it doesn't seem like forever ago. So enjoy it while you are being "squeezed"!

I love you always,
Mom.

*the bottom of the comic says, "Enjoy! I promise it is short lived!"

So, as today comes to an end, I realize again that the True, Lasting, Secure Confidence comes not in my own abilities, (or lack thereof), but my willingness to let go of my expectations on myself and rest in His acceptance of me right where I'm at.